oh cookies

All I can say is I'm ready for Christmas to be over. I love Christmas, I do. The decorations, the gift hunting, the music, the food. Oh yes, the food. This is why I'm ready for Christmas to be over. I love to bake, and to eat. Cookies, and pies, and bars, and candy, and fudge....it never ends! I've got piles of these marvelous sugary treats hanging out in every corner of my kitchen.

Oh my.....

I've shoved more sugar and butter into my cake hole than I'd like to admit. But, I keep telling myself, it's Christmas, that's what we are supposed to do, right? We are supposed to eat, drink and be merry. If only I could do that sans guilt. I really miss the days of childhood bliss. The days when I could eat 20 cookies and not give a single care as to how many calories it was or if I would still fit into my pants tomorrow.

I told myself at the start of this week that I would be good until Saturday since last week I ate a little too many nutmeg meltaways than I should have. So what do I do? Make fudge. I know how irresistible fudge is, I am doomed. It's in the fridge, calling out to me right this very moment. Not only that, but my husband made his famous gingerbread cookies last night. They are so heavenly. It's pure torture having this stuff around.

And it's such a double edged sword because I try so hard not to eat the stuff but then I feel bad because I'm missing out on one of the joys of the holidays. So I eat a couple cookies. And a couple turns to a couple more....maybe a couple more. Until finally, I have eaten more sweets than I normally would in a month and then I feel bad. Again. This time for having given in to my urges and not being able to stop at one or two.

Sometimes I feel like this obsession I have for diet and exercise is more like a prison. I'm constantly aware. Constantly guilty if I'm not perfect with it all the time. I wish that I could let it go and be free. But I know I would not be happy then either. And to think of the years of hard work I would basically just throw away and for what? To pig out on chocolate cake more often? No way! I will just get back up and keep trying to do what I know in my heart is right....for me ;)