Finally!!

I am seeing some changes in the mirror!

I was so excited last night. I was trying on all my clothes (I do this periodically whenever I feel like I've improved somehow), and feeling giddy. Finally, this hard work is paying off! Even though there is still jiggle, I can see muscle definition popping out everywhere. Even on my butt! When the fat is gone, it will look so good!

All the sacrifice, the deprivation, the sweat, the tears, the pain.....it's really paying off! And if I can notice a change after 2 months, just thinking of what is in store for my body by May gives me butterflies!
My legs are starting to feel so firm. When I rub my hands over them I think, 'this is me?' I can't believe it!

I've been following this blog for a while now and the woman who writes it, gave some really helpful advice. I'm always whining about how I never seem to be able to build my hammies. She says they need to be trained with heavy weight. The kind that leave you only able to do small amount of reps. But then more sets. And also, (something else I didn't know) quads are the opposite. To train those, you need higher reps. I'm so thankful for her information! It's Ready In 5 Weeks in case you want to check her out. Good stuff!

I also found a bodybuilding.com article called Got Glutes? that I am really glad I stumbled upon. I am going to implement this training as soon as the new year rolls around. I'll be done with the fit trainer by then and my glutes need all the help they can get by May!

Today my workout was chest/shoulders/abs/sprints. Oh...sprints. Yesterday I did them in the afternoon because I was too tired after weight training. Today, I was tired again after weights but I did them anyway. I wanted to call it quits after 20 minutes. Truth be told, I wanted to stop after 10 minutes. But I kept on pushing and did the whole half hour. 30 minutes of sprinting, 30 seconds on, 30 seconds off. FOR 30 MINUTES! I consider myself in great shape but that shit was torture. It was damn hard, especially after you are already drained from an hour of weight training. My mom thinks I'm killing myself. And I can understand how she thinks that. I can. But it's necessary if I'm going to make some BIG changes by the end of December.

So now, I'm just drained. I'm going on very little calories (for me). I'm trying to maintain at just under 1300 calories. I find that by the end of the day I'm usually just a tad over that, especially since I never factor in things like flax oil and my calcium supplement, which together add 60 extra calories. I'm trying really hard to follow the correct macros too. And that in itself is hard. And time consuming. I have to sit down after every meal and figure it out. Today, I am already over my fat limit. I will hit my protein goal pretty head on. And maybe my carbs will go a little over after dinner. But it's a high carb day for me today (yay!) and I needed it. I seriously think that my calorie goal according to the bodybuilding.com website is wrong because even trying to keep my meals small and low in calories, needing to eat 5-6 times a day leaves me barely 200 calories for dinner most nights. I think that with my activity level factored in, I'm ok going a bit over. I need to listen to my body, and when I'm hungry, eat.

Even though I am carb cycling now, I still need to keep the same calorie level every day, which makes it a little tough for a macro counting newbie. I mean, I know exactly how many grams I'm to eat each day, but I still find it tough. It's such a tedious thing. I will be SO glad when I don't have to do it anymore. I can't wait until I am at a level where I am happy and can just maintain. Will I ever get there? Will it ever be enough? Will I ever be content with myself? I don't know...

Phase 3 - kicking my ASS!!

Wow.

I had back/arms/abs/sprints today.

I was so wiped by the end of the weight training portion that I had to leave sprints until tonight. There was NO way I could have done 30 minutes of sprinting. Weight training alone took about an hour and a half. Because we got to the gym at 8:30 and left the floor at 10:15. So maybe 15 minutes in the locker room but everything else was working out.

Today - lots of supersets and working/active sets again. I surprised myself with some of the weight at a higher rep range. For instance, 40lbs for 15 reps wide grip pulldowns supersetted with 40lbs for 15 reps underhand cable pulldown. (supersetting, of course, meaning that there is no rest between these two exercises) I was able to complete all three sets at that weight and rep range. Which surprised me. I am getting stronger. I felt the burn, and pushed through it.

The working/active sets are things like doing a weighted exercise, such as bent over BB row immediately followed by mountain climbers (instead of resting) and then back to the row, and so on. Doing it this way really keeps your heart rate up, which is why I feel so wiped by the end of the workout. I am hoping that after the first week I can get more acclimated to this style of working out and will be able to finish up my sprints in the morning as well. Maybe I need to bring a protein bar or something to eat in between so that I can get a sense of renewed energy. I might try that tomorrow.

I see that there are low carb days coming up next week, although I've gotten a jump start on that already. Maybe she banishes all carbs, I haven't looked ahead at the menu. But I've been limiting mine to 2 a day. One at breakfast and one post workout. Not sure I should bring it down any farther than that.

I feel like I'm starting to get a cough again (wtf???) so I am taking zinc and vitamin c to ward it off. Hopefully that works. I would be SO pissed if I got sick again. I am so rarely sick, and to get two colds in the same year is literally unheard of for me. I was happy to find some children's zinc and vitamin c gummies because my little Emma always seems to get sick so easily. She needs that boost in her immune system.

It's a good thing that December is almost here because my supps are all getting low. I'm completely out of glucosamine and everything else is dwindling. I can go to GNC and use my gold card for a discount the first week of each month, which is quite nice. And there are a lot of 2 for one deals on protein powder. This is when my mom and I can split the cost and get a great deal.

Speaking of my mom, I am SO proud of her. She has been going to the gym with me EVERY day. Even when she doesn't really want to, she goes. The engine light is on in my van, and instead of getting it fixed (I'm too cheap...and a break down right before Christmas is not ideal $$$$), my mom is driving me everywhere, including the gym ;) So unless she really wants to disappoint me, she can't skip out. She has also hired a trainer for 3 mornings a week. She is still sore and her back bothers her to the point that she can hardly walk, but I am certain that if she just keeps toughing it out, she'll reap the benefits soon enough. Hopefully by summer, we will be different women!! If you would have told me that by Christmas this year, I would be going to a gym everyday WITH my mom, I would never have believed it. I love it.

My arms were SO pumped today. They were totally engorged with blood and felt so tight, like they could burst! And I was watching them pump in the mirror as I was doing bicep curls and they....looked....huge! It is so fun to see that. They certainly aren't huge in reality, but my arms have thinned out so much that all that is there IS muscle and that makes them appear big mid pump. If I'm not flexing in some way, I don't know that you'd be able to tell I had any muscle in my arms. Now, if I could just get my lower half to thin out so I could see the muscle....

It's there. I notice it when I'm squatting. Because when I'm standing in front of the mirror, I can see the muscle through my workout pants as I squat down. I know it's there. Definition in the quads. Lifting the butt and building the hammies, that is my ultimate goal. My mom still gives me the "heredity" speech. She tells me that I am just built to store fat there, same as her and her relatives. But I refuse to believe that. Every woman is built to store fat there, it's to protect unborn children. And yet, there are women who are lean in that area. I will never use the heredity excuse. I am a pear. Some people are apples. I wouldn't want to be either, but it is what it is. Pears and apples alike have to work the same to rid fat from trouble spots. But it CAN happen. Here's how I plan on making it happen for me: hard work, determination, and an undying will to succeed.

Never quit. Never give up. Make it happen. Live your dream.

Phase 3 - last 4 weeks

Well, it was the first day of phase 3 today. Oh. My. Goodness. I have a feeling that this month is gonna suck, just a little bit.

With the focus on fat loss while retaining the muscle I've spent the last two months building, I had more heart pumping, lose your breath kind of moves today. Quite a few more supersets and active rest periods mixed in with work periods. A lot of jumping rope, some jump squats and long jumps. And as far as weight sets and reps, we stuck to 3 sets on everything and the reps went way up - to 30 in some cases, so obviously, the weight had to come down.

I actually like using lighter weight to squat. I feel like I am accomplishing more when I can get really low and keep tension on the legs. Heavy weight with low reps or lighter weight with high reps - they are both difficult but in different ways. It's nice to change pace like this. I am going to be so lost when I don't have a program like this to follow come January!

FYI: I don't like leg extensions. My quads burn so bad doing those. 30 reps about kills me. Done!

I was so wiped by the end of today's workout. Not sure if it had anything to do with my low cal eating. I really don't want my workouts to suffer this month!

I switched to a super strict diet on Saturday. Not sure how long I will be able to maintain it, but I'm shooting for a week just to see if I can see some result from it. If not, then I literally have NO idea how to lose fat. Basically I'm cutting calories to 1200 and eating very little carbs. If that doesn't do it.....then I don't know.

During the last couple of days of watching calories meticulously and cutting starchy carbs WAY down, I've noticed that I don't have any gas. And if you are a regular follower you'll know that quite frequently I complain about having terrible gas all the time. So not having any the last couple of days has opened my eyes to something. It could mean that I'm sensitive to wheat. Or, it could mean that I eat too much high fiber cereal. Maybe just too many carbs in general?? Maybe my stomach has a harder time digesting them? I mean, it hasn't solved the problem, but it has definitely given me some ideas to talk with my doctor about. I'd be interested to hear if anyone out there has had similar issues with that and what you did to resolve it.

Seriously?

I stepped on the scale this morning (a day early) because I wanted to see where I stood in my serious quest for jiggle loss. The scale read 107.6 pounds. That can't be right, so I stepped off and on again. 108.0 pounds. And I stepped on and off again. Yep 107.6 pounds. WHAT is going ON?? I have never seen the scale at 107lbs. Well, ok, maybe when I was a kid, I had to pass it at some point. But since being an adult....never. I am trying so hard to gain weight and the scale is dropping. I just don't understand it. The last movement I had on the scale, I went down to 109 pounds from 111. That was the first month. Now in the second month I've lost 2 more pounds. And I STILL HAVE JIGGLE! Another crazy thing is that my measurements are exactly the same. Where is this weight loss coming from??

Well, I don't know. But I'm trying really hard just to trust what I'm doing. I'm just in the process of body recomposition. I don't need to understand it. I just need to be along for the ride until it takes me to the end. My goal. I always thought that losing fat and gaining muscle was black and white. You want to lose fat, you eat less and exercise more. You want to gain muscle, you lift weights and eat more. But apparently, there is some stranger science to it all that I still haven't figured out. After literally years and years of trying to understand and master it.

My husband's solution to my dilemma? "You need to eat more junk."

I don't think so.

The weird thing is, even though I want to gain weight, I still feel some sense of accomplishment when I see the scale go down. I suppose that is after years of associating a drop in the numbers on the scale with success. And even though I want to gain muscle, I think the reason I feel somewhat happy when I see my weight go down is because I'm hoping that it's fat loss. And it makes me feel as though all my efforts haven't been for nothing. Still, I can't help but be a little confused and disheartened when my measurements don't go down with the numbers on the scale. Because if it were fat loss, that should be reflected on the tape measure. I am used to seeing fluctuations on the scale depending on cycle days and carb consumption. But I've never gone this low. Aren't our bodies the most mysterious of creations?

I have an idea that I've been toying with. I would like to stop taking birth control pills. I've taken them for years and I can't help but wonder if it hinders my progress at all. Every woman is different and what affects one woman might not affect another. But it's certainly possible for me to think that pumping my system with synthetic estrogen could be taking it's toll. I haven't done enough research on the subject, but it is something that has been on my mind for a while. If you have any thoughts or helpful information on this, I would appreciate it very much.

Day 55

Had two whole days off of training and diet. Today, back at it. Did legs. And since I typically don't have cardio on legs, I didn't do the elliptical. But I did walk for 30 minutes after weights.

I have found some renewed motivation from somewhere and I am going to hit the diet hard over the next four weeks. I will be entering the final phase of the 12 week fit trainer starting Monday. Just the thought of this training regimen being over in 4 short weeks is scaring the crap out of me. I don't feel like I am anywhere near my goal body. And if I am going to make some sizable progress, I am going to have to cut calories. I have spent the last two months strictly building muscle by training as hard as I can with weights and eating as much as I can to support muscle growth. I think since there will be some carb cycling and sprinting and all that good stuff coming up, I am going to try some 1200 calorie days to see if I can't peel some of this damn fat off my thighs ONCE AND FOR ALL!!! It is still there, staring me down in the mirror day after day. Which says to me that I have to bite the bullet and get into a substantial calorie deficit week after week. I don't know what my legs would look like if I lost 4 pounds of fat but I don't think there is much fat to be lost anywhere else except the butt and thigh area. So I'm guessing it would look tons better. I do have a little cushion around my lower back, I can tell if I wear my tighter fitting jeans. So I could lose some there too, but just barely. It can't be more than a half a pound, if that. Really, it's all just guesstimating. BUT, I have got to try and get it off. 4 pounds. That's the goal I'm shooting for. If (or should I say when?) I get rid of 4 pounds, I can judge from there if I need to take off more.

Let's look at this from a mathematical standpoint. Say to maintain my weight I need 2000 calories a day (which, by my calculations, is maintenance for me). And I can truly stay at 1200 calories a day for 7 days, I will be in a 5600 calorie deficit. That is enough to lose over a pound and a half in 7 days. I know that keeping calories at 1200 a day will be a HUGE challenge for me. But if I can just maintain that for 7 days, to see if it works, and it does, I will be home free! Because I have NEVER been able to maintain that low of a calorie range for that time period. Usually after 2 days I feel it. That is when it becomes so important to fill up on veggies and water. But I've just got to try. Pissing around, not knowing how many calories I'm taking in, is just not getting me where I want to be fast enough. Drastic times call for drastic measures. I'll never know unless I try. I've got to give it my all. And if I am successful, I can reward myself with all my favorite Christmas goodies on Christmas Eve =)

So it's strict calorie counting for me. I started today. It's 3:15pm and I've got one more meal to go, and 400 calories left. I think I will have cauliflower mash and fish. And I've decided that when hunger strikes about 8pm (and it always does) I will have sliced tomatoes with salt and pepper. That is a favorite snack of mine.

I'm scared. This goal scares me. But I've read that if your goal doesn't scare you at least a little bit, you haven't aimed high enough. It's time to get serious.

I AM a bodybuilder

Thanksgiving is over. I really love the Thanksgiving holiday, but it's hard to stick to a clean eating diet when you are around all the delicious food. At first, I had planned on not eating any of the worst offenders in the line up (mashed potatoes loaded with butter and cream, bread stuffing, sweet potato casserole, cheese and crackers, pie, etc) and I was going to stick to turkey and fresh veggies but then I thought, why? One day to indulge a little in one of one the joys of being human is not going to set me back much. Holiday time with family, seeping with tradition, lovely food prepared for the special occasion....it's one of the greatest days of the year. 

I could have held fast, been strong willed. But I wanted to fully enjoy myself. And I did. I had a little of everything. And THAT was the key for me...."little". I had a marvelous day.  I didn't feel stuffed, only satisfied. I was happy knowing I didn't overindulge and put thousands of extra calories into my body. There was one thing I did pass up though.....eggnog. I think eggnog is probably one of the worst things you can ingest during the holiday season. One cup of that stuff can top 450 calories!

This morning, instead of going to the gym, I stayed in bed. Partly because Emma was coughing for hours on end during the night and I felt like I didn't sleep a wink and partly because my shoulder is still bothering me quite a bit and I figure an extra day to rest it might be wise. My husband, who seems forever hell bent on talking me out of weight training, suggested that I stop because of this "injury". I have had little strains like this before. I'm not going to quit this lifestyle because of it. The benefits far outweigh any negatives. But it is important to be smart about it, like not aggravating an injury further. I'm committed, not stupid.

He tells me a story of his late grandmother, who had worked hard physically all her life and by her 70's could hardly raise her arms to shoulder height. But maybe her stress and overuse injuries led to that, as far as I'm aware, she wasn't lifting weights to strengthen her bones and joints. I am. And I fully intend on still doing cartwheels when I'm 70.

He might think it's weird that I choose to inflict muscle soreness day after day and sometimes risk injuries, but that comes with the territory. It comes with any sport.  Runners, bikers, football players, soccer players all risk injuries....life has it's risks. But I'm not going to sit on the couch in fear. I will never stop. Weight training exercises (if done right) do not put strain on joints. There are literally thousands of variations of exercises you can do with careful fluid movements, which strengthen muscles, joints and bones. Not to mention lower stress, prevent weight gain, improve cognitive function, release "happy hormones", lower cholesterol, and a plethora of other benefits. There is no pounding stress on joints that other forms of exercise put on the body. I know quite a few former runners who can no longer run because of damage done. Bad knees, bad ankles, hip flexors that will never be the same. I'll be lifting long after they have hung up their 200th pair of kicks.

How many bodybuilders do I know that can't lift anymore because of injuries? None. Not to say they aren't out there. But I don't know any personally.

Sorry, honey, you'll never be able to convince me that lifting is anything but good for a body. And I guess I am ok with constantly defending my decision to lift weights. I have to stand up for what I believe in. My passion is my purpose. Like it, or not. Understand it or not. This is who I am.

More meal ideas

Cutting carbs? Hate missing out on potatoes at dinner? I have the solution. What does this picture look like to you - mashed potatoes? Wrong. It's cauliflower.

Here's a beautiful way to eat cauliflower: cut up an entire head of cauliflower and put it in a microwavable steamer bag. My microwave steams it in 4 minutes. Then, I put it in my Ninja (powerful blender) with some butter and whip it good. Add salt and pepper to taste. It turns out so creamy and flavorful, you'd hardly know it wasn't potatoes!

Pair it with some home made turkey meatballs and your golden! Perfect blustery day meal.

Another meal I've been into lately: cauliflower, ground beef and cheese

It seems pretty simple but these are the flavors I've been craving lately. I love beef. I'm more of a cow person than a chicken person, if that makes sense. What I do is just cook up some extra lean ground beef, steam some cauliflower and put them together on the plate. And sprinkle with some lowfat cheese, of course. Season with salt and pepper. Super easy. Super yummy.

I realized on my last legs day that the bar I've been using to squat is actually 15lbs, not 10lbs like I had previously thought. That totally made my day, just knowing I was lifting 5lbs more. Sometimes such small things make me happy.

I've been battling a sore left arm for a week. I am not sure if it is a rotator cuff issue or otherwise. It's sort of hard to pin point the pain. I've been rubbing myself good with icy hot but it doesn't do anything but make my eyes sting.

Today was an arms day which made me nervous. I don't want to injure myself but I don't think it's bad enough to take the day off. So I just warmed up REALLY good and long first and that made a HUGE difference. I think that might be my problem, I am too impatient to take the time for warm ups and start with cold muscles. One word - stupid.

I had a good workout, despite the sore shoulder. I love working my arms anymore because when I'm done, they look huge! All the blood surging through my biceps today made them feel like they could just burst open. I love that feeling.

Measurements today were the same....ugh. I'm not gaining any weight yet. And I'm not losing any fat. Stagnate. But I can see my body changing. They are minor changes, things no one else would notice. I am really anxious to see what I can do by May.