I had a slightly heated conversation with my husband the other night. I finally said what I've been thinking for a long time, which was that it would really make me happy if he could support my goals. I told him that he didn't have to be 100% as enthused as I was about it, but it sure would be nice if he could recognize that they were important to me and just be part of a much needed support system for me.

He said it was hard to understand because to him, he sees someone who is already muscular and fit and doesn't know why I think I need to take it any farther. He also said he wanted the woman he married back. This really made me sad. I said, "The soft, squishy one?" and he said, "Yes". I really love him. And I SO LOVE the fact that he thought I was perfect just the way I was, squishy and flawed and everything. How lucky am I to have a husband like that? Very lucky!
I appreciate that. But I also have a dream, a goal, and I won't be satisfied until I get there. It really isn't that far from my grasp now. It's closer than ever before. There are inner changes that I am working to achieve as well, it's not all about the outside, what is inside matters too! I have specific "flaws" that I am trying to rid myself of to become a better person as a whole. Inside and out. I just don't talk about the inside stuff as much because this is a fitness blog after all.

But what exactly are the things I want to change about my body? People say to me all the time that it looks as if I'm already there. Here is what I need to achieve to feel like my efforts have been 100% successful:
1) There is still a fair amount of jiggle on my thighs, I know I can get rid of it, but it is very difficult because that is the ONLY place where I can spare fat and so my body is fighting me like crazy to keep it. The lower you're bodyfat percentage, the harder it is. But I'm doing absolutely everything I know of that will eventually do the job. It's just a matter of time.
2) Despite the fact that I am very low bodyfat and very fit, I have some bumpy skin, otherwise known as cellulite. I hate to even type that word, that is how painful it is for me! If I did nothing more to improve my body except to rid myself of that, I would be happy and content with myself. Some believe it's impossible to get rid of but I won't allow myself to believe that. It is just fat. Get rid of the fat, build lean muscle and eventually it will disappear. This is the ULTIMATE goal.
3) I love the way muscle definition looks. Man or woman, when you have a sculpted body, you look damn good! This is my opinion. I don't think overly skinny people are attractive...at all. Nor do I think that untoned arms and legs are attractive, regardless of whether you are at a healthy weight or not. I like to have muscle definition in my body because it says, I care about myself and way I look. I care about what I put into my body and I work hard to keep it a tight fit machine. You only get one body, why not take care of it?

So I focus on these 3 things.  I do NOT want to lose weight. I need to maintain, or gain weight if anything. Because, like was the case in March, when I maintain my weight, yet my body measurements get smaller, then I absolutely know for a fact that I am losing fat and building muscle. Technically, I want to lose FAT, not weight. In terms of weight, the scale should stay the same.

And since it takes a deficit of 3500 calories just to lose a pound, it's a slow process. Especially when you do it the right way, which means making sure you are keeping the muscle and only losing fat. If you lose weight fast, chances are, it's not fat. It may just be water. Besides that, if you are a woman, your weight fluctuates 5-8lbs depending on the person and where you are in your cycle. I know exactly when I will gain "bloat weight" and it's common for me to fluctuate from 111 to 115, depending on the cycle day. That is why I rely on the tape measure for a more accurate measure.

I like to tease my mom about this because she is SO dead set on her scale to judge her progress. She will tell me, "I've just got to stop eating, I was up 4 pounds because I ate too much junk over the weekend." And so I'm like, "MOM! You do not gain 4 pounds of fat in two days. I'm almost positive you didn't consume 14,000 calories over your maintenance level in a weekend." And if she really ate all that junk (obviously in the form of carbohydrates) it will be water weight she is seeing on the scale. Because water binds to carbs. The same is true of a quick loss on the scale. She will often call me and say "I lost those 4 pounds!" ..and it will be two days later. It's so funny.

When I reduce the amount of carbs I eat, I look leaner, I fit into my clothes better and I weigh less. But reintroducing those carbs again will make me appear much fuller (or softer). I am not a big fan of restricted carb diet. I need bread, rice and oats for energy. Plus, I get light headed when I don't eat them. Even if I load up on carbs in veggie form, I still get the shakes. I don't believe it's healthy to completely cut out an entire food group. If I restrict anything in my diet, it's only for short periods of time. A few weeks before my goal date I plan on taking my diet to a strict and hardcore eating style that will produce rapid results. This is not something I particularly enjoy or do for extended periods of time. 2 weeks is the limit. But I've planned for it, so I'll be ready ;)