Did intervals this morning. Ran about 5 miles tonight. Diet was mostly good. I lost a lot of lunch companions because I had sardines. No one in this house likes the smell of sardines. Had pizza for supper but was able to stop myself before I got full - this is HUGE for me. I'm a chronic over eater when it comes to stuff like pizza.
I've started tracking my meals and workouts on Livestrong.com. And when I get my new Windows phone next month, I'll be able to track and make updates through the phone. Totally wicked! I love having a program auto-calculate my calorie totals, calories burned through exercise and etc. It's just cool.
I was standing in front of my mirror today when a thought hit me. Could my problem be sagging skin? I mean, I'm not fat by any means so exercising to lose fat seems so preposterous. At least, it seems to sound preposterous to everyone else because the mere fact that I mention wanting to lose fat causes an uproar with most people. Mainly everyone just thinks I must have some sort of disorder because why would anyone my size declare that they wanted to lose fat.
And something struck me - Andreas has been commenting a lot more lately on how "skinny" I am looking and how he wishes I would gain some weight. When I told him that I ate two granola bars back to back the other night because I was hungry and they were so tasty, he said "Good! You need to eat more....gain some weight." While I think a lot of girls might twirl around in delight at a comment such as that (and I probably would have a while back) it just made me go, hmmmmm.
If I really don't have fat to spare, maybe it's the skin sagging where there used to be fat, and that is what is causing my dilemma. And if that is the case, perhaps bulking up a bit (by eating more calories and lifting weights to put on muscle) might actually help it. True, I think that might work, but I still can't help but think there is more fat to be lost on these thighs. The only question is, as tough as is has been to lose it, is it worth it? And who's to say that if I lost it, I'd be happy? I might just have more sagging skin that accentuates the problem. And if I lose it, can I maintain it? I wish I knew. If I knew the cause, I'd know the treatment.
I've been steered towards a lot of blogs and articles that talk about losing the "last 5 pounds" and such. All of them suggest doing the things I am already implementing in my exercise routine. But another thing they all say is that if it continues to be really difficult, one should reevaluate the situation. Is it realistic? Is it really necessary? This has also been making me think (hmmmmm) a lot. I have reevaluated my situation and I have taken into consideration all the comments I get from family and friends. And my honest answer is....I don't know. I don't know if it is realistic, I don't know if it's necessary. I wish I could see into a future where I've lost 5 pounds of fat and could see whether or not it helps with my overall goal. And if it didn't, I could look into a future where I have gained 5 - 10 pounds of muscle and see it that helps instead. The uncertainty kills me! I don't want to waste time doing things the wrong way or doing things that ultimately weren't going to work even if I perfected them. I just wish I knew....
I'm still going to stick out the "fat loss phase" of my plan - which will end roughly the end of October. Then I'll start adding good calories and pumping some serious iron again. Maybe when I can fill out the muscle in my legs, the skin will get taught(er) and that might just be what it needs to look it's best.
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