knock knock.....

Who's there? Emma. Emma who? Emma boring you yet?

Today, I'm sick...again. I don't know WHAT is going on with me. Of course my husband says to me this morning, "Are you sure you aren't.....you know......."

"preggers?" I said.

"yeah" he said.

"um no. I take my pills faithfully every day." I said.

"well, you know they aren't 100% effective" he said.

Well, gosh, what the heck do I take them for then?? No, I'm pretty sure that's not it. But I can buy a test to rule it out. In some ways, that would be such a lovely surprise. In others (many others) it wouldn't really be ideal. How selfish is it of me to just NOT want to be on bed rest for 10 weeks again? But seriously, can you even comprehend how awful it is to lay in bed for 10....weeks.....straight??? Horrible. Awful. Plus, there's the added stress that you don't even know if you're poor uterus will even cooperate that long. Long story.....let's just say that having babies and my body aren't friends. I've not had a single normal pregnancy. I've miscarried too, although that is pretty common.

Blech....let's not talk about it anymore. It's not the problem, I'm 99.9% certain. So there.

And I'm STILL not sleeping. Last night was my 3rd night on Melatonin and I STILL woke up every 45 minutes (average). I think that I'm just very, extremely, overly exhausted. And I need a solid night of sleep. On top of not sleeping, I'm trying to workout like a crazy maniac (except over the labor day weekend where I gave myself a good break). Probably not smart, but I've become slightly addicted to it.

Today I decided not to take ANY supplements. As much as I hate to do this, I have to find out if something I'm taking could be the reason for my sleepless nights. So I am off them for at least 2 days. Maybe 3. I'll see how long I can stand it. IF I end up having a full night of sleep during that time, I will slowly start adding them back into my daily routine, and see if I can pin point any sleep disturbances during that time. Again, not sure if I'm patient enough to go through that mess, but I have to try. This just can't go on.

Yesterday's high: Had an AWESOME diet. Worked out, went for a long walk, bought a new book to read. Great day. Only 1 tiny snag....
Yesterday's low: My husband forgot to bring the rest of the brownies to work. I had one last night, even though I PROMISED myself I wouldn't eat sugar anymore. I don't blame myself. I blame him. I told him they needed to be out of the house where I couldn't eat them. I stressed how important this was. He thinks it's funny. It's not funny. Then my daughter says, "why didn't you just NOT eat it?" hmmmm.....she's very wise.