I was out with my sister and her friend last Saturday and we eventually met up with another one of my sister's friends. Somehow we got onto the topic of exercise (which always seems to happen at some point in the conversation). I think it was because my sister asked her if she ran that morning (apparently she runs outside...brrrr) and then I asked her if she was an avid runner, if she was doing the marathon, yadda yadda....
No, she just runs. Probably doesn't have time to train for a marathon, being a surgeon and all. Yeah, I was impressed too. She's 2 weeks shy of her 30th birthday. I felt old. And stupid. But she was a really nice girl, fun to talk to. And if I need someone to cut me open and check out my bowels, she's my go-to girl.
Of course then my sister brags me up (bless her heart - she's like my mother) about all the weight training I do and comments I get and stuff. And she turns to me and says, "oh really? That's interesting." And then she asks me how I got into it and then why did it end up being such a passion in my life.
I answered her with the usual reasons: at first it was to lose baby weight and get muscle definition. Eventually it became more about building muscle because I was too small and then I blurted out "and I want to compete by the time I'm 40".
wha???
Where did that come from? I mean I've always sort of had it in the back of my mind but never really said it out loud I don't think.
And she was like, "Wow, that's really cool". She proceeded to tell me that she is one of those people who grows big easily lifting weights so she stays away from it. I wanted to slap her. (haha...not really) But I did admit that I was very jealous. How nice that would be!
So yeah, apparently when I'm drinking, I think I want to be a figure competitor. HAHAHA! I had to laugh seeing that on the screen. There is a LOT of work that would need to be done before I would even dare step on a stage. Plus, I have this little problem, a nuisance really, called anxiety and panic disorder and I'm not sure me on a stage in front of a lot of people (all looking at my body and scrutinizing it - looking for every flaw) is really the best place for someone like me.
However, it is a BIG and SCARY goal. And I think it might have been Tom Venuto who said if your goals don't scare you a little, you need to aim higher.
Right now, for me to say, "yeah, my goal is to wear my bikini without a care in the world" that's not really scary. Because for one thing, this is a goal I set for myself EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. And for another thing, I don't HAVE to wear my bikini if I don't want to. So, bikini = not scary = not motivation enough for me. Although, it still IS the goal. My ultimate goal. As always. As usual.
But if I want to aim high, if I want to have something to work towards, something that makes me feel butterflies in my stomach, the thought of competing definitely does the trick! And there is only one thing between me and a stage right now....
actually picking a contest and a date!
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