Boot camp

I can't believe it's the end of August. This year has flown by. Yet....it hasn't.

This has been one of the toughest years of my life. So while going through the days seems slow, looking back I can't believe how fast it's actually gone. We always say that though, right? Time goes by so fast. For everyone.

I have tried to get my motivation back. For months I have tried and failed. My focus has been on my family and my marriage. I don't make my body and my health a priority anymore. Case and point, I'm eating chili cheese corn chips as I type this. I like to defend this lack of self care on my changing priorities. I like to think that I'm not as selfish as I used to be.

But I don't feel like myself. Not only because my health habits have changed, but my life in general has changed immensely in the past year. I need to feel like me again. I need to feel good about myself. Confident, energetic, healthy, and happy. So I'm going to try something that I am hoping will give me a little boost. Boot camp.

I had talked briefly to one of the trainers that works at the gym about this class he teaches. It's an hour long and it basically pushes you to the point of exhaustion. This is what I need. It's twice a week, which is perfect. Because you can't do too much of this type of training - bad for cortisol levels. So my first class is today. I'm scared and excited at the same time. Scared because I know that I've lost levels of muscle and fitness. I can see it and I can feel it. But excited because I know I can get it back. I need a trainer, and some accountability. This will be the kick start that I need to get myself back on track.

I'm going to try REALLY REALLY HARD to post more often (like daily again) to keep myself accountable. What I eat and my workouts. And I am asking for your help. Keep me accountable. Keep me motivated. If I miss a post, ask me what the hell happened. If I skip a workout, ask me what my lame ass excuse was for skipping it.

I've gone on long enough in this fog that I'm in. It's not only hurting me, but my kids. I've been trying to hold it together for them but I'm failing at that too. I know that if only I can start feeding my body better and weight training regularly again, I will get those feel-good hormones surging again. That will be my anti-depressant, my therapy. I know this and have known it all along, just needed to take that first step. Like I always preached to other people, the first step is always the hardest.

I know that I can make myself a priority again without making it feel like selfishness. I know that I can live a healthy lifestyle without it hurting or affecting my family members. I know that I can find a healthy balance, where I am happy and satisfied with my progress and no one else is bothered by it in the least.

So, to stay with my plan, here is what I've eaten so far today (don't judge...LOL)

Breakfast: 2 eggs
Snack #1: small handful almonds
Lunch: Special K cereal w/ almond milk, 100 calorie Greek Yogurt, and a heap of chili cheese corn chips (FAIL!)
*the rest is planned meals
Post Work Out: protein bar
Dinner: shredded zucchini "spaghetti"

And I will post about the workout later today. What it entailed and how I held up. I'm planning on wearing my heart rate monitor but it likes to slide down during intense exercise.