To the best online friend I'll ever have

This post is for my sweet friend, Amanda.

I know I've never met you, but I feel like we've been friends forever. We seem to go through the same struggles, know exactly how the other is feeling, and in all honestly, it's nice to have someone to talk to who has the same goals.

Don't don't DON'T give up!! I know exactly what you are going through. The mental anguish can be harder than the actual lifestyle itself! You end up questioning your goals. Why are they so important? You just want to feel like every other normal person around you, having fun with friends, living it up, eating great food, drinking great wine, having lots of laughs. Sometimes, I feel like I am missing out on that too. But I know that I did plenty enough partying in my 20's. That's part of the reason I got into the mess I am in (flabby, jiggly thighs).

Sometimes people will ask me to give them a diet plan, tell them what to do so they can have a better body. But when I tell them, they seem disappointed to find out that it's actually really hard. No one is very willing to give up happy hour and white bread. But ultimately, if you want the body, those changes simply have to be made. And a lot of times, they aren't ready to give that up yet. And that's fine. I certainly don't want to tell anyone that need to give up all that makes them happy. Simply to weigh the pros and cons for themselves. How bad do you want it? If you don't want to give up those things, maybe you don't really want the body that bad.

Amanda, it sounds like people around you love you for who you are and think you look damn hot already. You are very fortunate to have that. You have a husband who thinks you are perfect as is. Mine is like that too. He's just the sweetest to me. But friends and family don't understand us because they don't have the passion for it that we do. They don't have that fire burning deep within us that drives us forward, that helps us dig deep into our inner will and find the strength to keep pushing.

Sometimes I look at pictures of figure competitors and think, "I want that SO BAD!" and some days I think I'll never get there. I think that the people who are in that kind of shape must have been exercising all their life and never really had to play catch up like I am. But I know that isn't true. Through bodybuilding.com, I have come to know other woman who have started out in much worse shape than I did and now have a body that I would do anything for. This is my inspiration. This is my proof that it IS possible. Those girls aren't any different than us. They got there through determination, hard work, and will power. They faced the same struggles as us. They were tempted by food. They had ups and downs. But they wanted it really bad. And they went for it with brut force.

It will take a while, yes. But the general consensus seems to say that 6 to 8 months is what you need for a total change. When you think about it, that amount of time really flies by. Sure it seems like a long time in terms of eating totally clean, giving up alcohol, and working out hard core 6 days a week. But it really isn't. What does seem like a long time is all the years and years of hard work I've put in and not really gotten the results I want. And it's because I've only made half-assed attempts at feeding myself properly. That has GOT to be the missing link. Because I've exercised myself thinner than most 36 year old women with 3 children, but I've not yet achieved the hard body I desire. And I truly believe that has everything to do with how often I allowed myself to "cheat" on my diet. There just isn't another explanation. Because I've put in the work training. I really have.

Eat right is a PAIN in the ASS!!! I love food. If I wasn't so obsessed with having the best body possible, I would probably be baking or cooking for a living. I love watching Food Network and reading Food & Wine magazine. But sometimes it sucks when I can't truly appreciate my passion as a foodie because my passion for having a killer body is much stronger.

We (you and I) could just let it go. We could coast on the way we look now and the exercise we do now, for probably a really long time, and still look great in clothes. But I know for a fact that neither one of us would be truly happy. I know because I've tried. I gave myself a complete break from clean eating for a while. I threw caution to the wind and I ate whatever the hell I wanted with the rest of my family. It seemed nice in the beginning but it didn't take long before I noticed that it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. I started to feel miserable. Tired. Lazy. And I was going through mental anguish the same as when I was eating clean, just in a different way. Instead of longing for the taste of french fries, I was longing to feel lean and fit again. I wasn't happy feeling bloated in my skinny jeans. I wasn't happy walking around in my loose pj bottoms because they were more comfortable. I stopped and thought, "What the hell am I doing? This isn't me. This isn't making me happy". Sure the food tasted good. But 20 minutes of bliss 3 times a day was NOT enough. I want the feeling of bliss 24/7 that having a kick ass body will give me.

We live in an area of the world where it's only swim suit season 3 months out of the year. And of those 3 months, I'm not at the lake or swimming pool even all that much. But maybe that is because it's so hard for me to wear a bikini in public. I think if I looked better, I would probably be there more. This will make me question why on earth is it so important. I still don't really have a definite answer to that question. I might never know. But the fact is, it IS important to me, for whatever reason. So important that I will never give up. And that right there is the way I am going to make it a reality. I will NEVER give up.

Sometimes I will read cooking blogs where these plump happy go lucky women are feeding their families incredible tasting comfort foods day in and day out and I think, "Gosh, they really have it made. They seem so happy and content". But that's them, not me. I know that I would never feel truly content that way.

I feel that I am already in really great shape compared to my peers. A lot of people just don't make fitness a priority and by their 30's, that starts to show on their bodies. They get tired and sluggish and their body follows suit. Our metabolisms slow down as we age and if we don't do something to counteract it, we will inevitably gain weight. It is almost like a high when people notice the shape I am in and compliment me for it or ask me to help them achieve a weight loss goal. Here I am, no degree in fitness or nutrition whatsoever, and yet, I am able to help people through my own trial and error. It really is a satisfaction like I've never known.

You asked about my pictures and if the difference came about since I've been following Jamie's fit trainer and the honest answer is, I don't know. Because I didn't take before and after pictures the day before I started. The picture from May was the most recent one I had of my rear end. I know that I didn't lose anything over the summer months and all of a sudden, when I started phase 1 of the fit trainer, my jeans got looser and my weight went down to 109 (from 111). It was probably the combination of eating totally clean and lifting weights again. Remember, I hadn't lifted weights for months because I was on an intense cardio kick, thinking that might spur some fat loss. So maybe it was the change up I needed to get past the plateau.

I would say that if you are stuck in a rut, and you aren't doing the fit trainer exactly as it is laid out, you should give it a try. Start in phase 1. I had a hard time with not doing a lick of cardio in the first month but I followed the rules diligently because Jamie says, IT WILL WORK. She said it is the exactly plan she used herself. And she also mentions in one of the videos that I watched, it takes a good 6-8 months to see substantial results. Another blogger I follow, says it took her a good 6 months of eating clean and weight training to transform her body. So it does take time. I was guilty of wanting quick fixes in the past. I was drawn to programs that promised quick results but I could never stick to them. Not once. For some reason, I have been able to stick to this. I don't know if it was because the first month felt so easy and I still got some movement on the tape measure or if it was because I really truly like weight lifting over all other methods of training. But whatever the reason, for me, I like this plan. I don't feel bored because she changes up the exercises and routines every week. And I trust her. This isn't a plan that I've had to pay for so I know she isn't in it to sell you a quick easy fix. Plus, if you haven't made her homemade protein bars yet, you should! They have REALLY helped me stick to clean eating and getting enough protein in. They taste like cake! It's awesome.

I hope that helps. Even if just a little. Because I hate to hear that you are struggling and getting tugged in two different directions. It's hard to give up certain joys and pleasures when we have spent our whole lives being programed into thinking they ARE pleasures. All good times seem to be centered around naughty food: parties, holidays, weekends, etc. Imagine how different we would be right now if we were served raw broccoli, cauliflower, and bell peppers on birthdays instead of cake! We just need to rewire ourselves into not associating bad food with a good time. NOT an easy task. But a necessary one if we are to succeed.

Don't give up! I need you =) But, you know, if you need a break, give yourself a good week or two where you don't give two hoots about what you are eating and see if that is what you need to get yourself back into the game. You'll have rested your mind and will. But after your break, be ready to bring it! Give it 110%, set a goal for just a week. When you've gone a week eating clean, set a new goal for 2 weeks. Soon, you won't even need to set food goals anymore. I know it's hard but I know you can do it. You've got the same drive and determination that it takes to get there. You want it just as bad as I do. We can do this!