This is my eldest daughter - Hanna.
Isn't she beautiful?!
I try to tell her that as often as I can, because I don't think she feels beautiful.
Just the other day she broke down because she was feeling bad about herself. We had just gotten back from our Nebraska trip and she was getting ready for school and just broke down.
She was reluctant to talk about it but eventually I was able to get it out of her.
She feels bad about her body.
Her jeans are all getting snug and her shirts have to be baggy or she won't wear them. I just took her shopping to get her new jeans (she picks skinny jeans, of course, 3 pair) and now she doesn't want to wear them. She feels insecure in them.
I asked her why she always picks out skinny jeans when she never wants to wear them and she never really gave me an answer. But I think that she just wants to be like everyone else. She wants to wear what other kids wear. Which I can totally understand.
When we were in Nebraska for the confirmation, there were a few girls her age there. And they were all skinny and wearing skinny jeans. We happened to pack a brand new pair of skinnies for Hanna to wear to church that Sunday but she refused. I mean, sat on the bed in her underwear REFUSING to wear them. I had no idea what the problem was since we just bought them and she loves them (they are a vibrant bright blue, really cute).
I did finally put 2 and 2 together and realized it was because she didn't want to feel like the "fat" girl at the party. My heart just sank. I cry every time I think of the pain she feels because of her body and how she is always trying to hide it. That is my baby! How could I let this happen to her??
She is short. She hates it. So it doesn't make things better to be overweight AND short. It's hard to find clothes that fit her. Pants are almost impossible to find. And she is super picky about shirts. Usually, she only wears sweatshirts so she can hide her belly but now that it's getting warmer, she is forced to wear something lighter. T-shirts have to have longer sleeves (no cap sleeves). No v-necks, in fact, it has to sit really close to her neck or she won't wear it. Nothing fancy or pretty. She tells me, "you just have to get over the fact that I'm not a girly girl.". But I'm sure it has a lot to do with body image.
Being an avid exerciser and lover of nutrition, it seems odd to me that I would have let her weight issue slide for so long. But it's so hard just to motivate myself at times and it's even harder to get her to want to work out and not eat so much. She wants to lose weight, she wants me to help her, but when it comes down to it, she would rather just eat what she wants and not move.
It's such a frustrating situation. I love her so much and want her to be happy with herself, yet I hate having to deprive her of foods the rest of the family eats. It just doesn't seem fair for a child to have to deal with being overweight. She should get to eat chips and ice cream and french fries without gaining an ounce, like I did growing up.
Being an active person, you would think that would rub off on my children. But maybe I started too late in the game for Hanna. My other two children show an interest in health an fitness, but I've been a fitness nut as long as they can remember. During Hanna's early years, I wasn't big on health.
I didn't want this to be a depressing post. But I am sort of bumming myself out. Like I said, my heart breaks for Hanna. I want her to be happy with the way she looks. I want her to be like other teenage girls who like to curl their hair and put make up on. I don't want her to feel like she has to cover up in baggy clothes, blend in and disappear.
So I'm giving her a lot of positive reinforcement and I am hoping that I will start to motivate her to where she wants to exercise on her own instead of hating me for making her do it. I've told her that she WILL lose weight, but she is going to have to work a little bit for it. That means, sweating. That means a little sacrifice. And it means consistency. She would probably lose it fairly quickly, because she is used to just sitting around.
Any ideas on how to motivate a teenager to lose weight?? I'm open to any and all suggestions.
6 comments:
oh charlotte i feel so sorry for her (and you). i was the fat kid growng up and also the tallest but mum didnt think so. she was always skinny growing up as she was a war baby and thought fat was healthy.
anyway, if my daughter (13 yo) was in Hannah's situation i would just put a ban on processed foods in the house. I dont care what my husband or 2 other boys would think. This is going to form her personality for the rest of her life!!! this is really important NOW and if the rest of the family couldn support her, well tough. They can go out and eat mcdonalds without me knowing if they were that deparate. this can turn into mental health which is treated like any other disease. I bet if anyone in the family was diagnosed with a bad disease everyone would support each other. this is no different.
sorry charlotte if i sound angry but i suffered this as a young teen, starved myself and killed my metabalism. It has been going on and off for 35 years and have always had body issues and when i look back on old photos i looked beautiful. what a waste of life.
Dont make an issue of it with the rest of the fam - just start cooking really healthy stuff and go for lots of walks and cook lots of snacks to replace the proceed crap.
I really feel for Hannah, I'm on her side and hope she can lose a bit of weight and start feeling good about herself, after all, she has the best mum to support and understand her.
Go Hannah !!!! xxxx
Hi Charlotte - Hanna is SO beautiful, I am sorry she is struggling with that. It is such a difficult age to journey through. I have been doing Jillian Micheals 30 day shred and I love it! Its quick (20 min workout) and I saw results in less than two weeks. Maybe something like that would interest her? Also, I love the chocolate mint Builders 20g protein bars by Clif, I think they taste like a candy bar. Thought maybe that would be something she would like too. Thanks for all the fitness/exercise/food tips and info from your blogs, you have been part of my motivation to get healthy and in shape - and I feel great! Good luck with your fitness goal! Rana
thanks for your heart felt comments, ladies. I really do appreciate it. I will take a look at those Clif bars and see if she might like them. I am always browsing the protein bars at the store but I usually just make them myself. Hanna loves mine because they taste like cake ;) The hardest part is trying to get her to eat healthier in school and not over eating carbs at night. Glad to hear you are working out and feeling great, Rana! I have done the 30 day shred in the past. I remember the burn!
awww i love this post. it shows how much of a caring mom you really are!! im only 17- and i LOVE healthy eating! you could get her inspired with healthy foods and making healthy treats together. i got a bunch of recipes on my blog! and maybe take some classes with her? yoga..pilates.. something that doesn't feel like a work out and is fun but just to get her moving?
It's obvious that you love your daughter very much. I wonder though if you have taken into consideration how your actions are affecting her body image? You state that you are depriving her of the foods that you are allowing your other family members to eat. The message behind that is "you are too fat". You stated that you make her exercise. Again, the message behind that is "you are too fat". I don't mean harm by these comments, however, I do think they need some consideration. Teach her to love her body the way it is, not the way it could be. Happy comes in all different sizes.
Thank you, anonymous, for leaving a comment!
Yes, I think about how my behavior affects my children ALL the time. And the hope there is that I am teaching healthful habits for a happy and healthy life, rather than having to be thin or obsessive about diet and exercise. There is a line, and I do try to pay attention to the things I say around my children. I also make it a point to tell them that it isn't about size, it's about health.
I don't necessarily deprive her of food, but instead of letting her have 3 grilled brats, she will get only one (for example). Her biggest problem is portion size. She could eat as much as my 6'3" 220lb husband if I'd let her.
I do make her exercise, but if a doctor tells you to exercise, do you just get mad because in reality all he is doing is calling you fat? NO! Her doctor told her 10lbs ago that she shouldn't gain anymore weight at her height. She needs to exercise because she is incredibly sedentary for her age. Exercise not only makes you drop extra fat, it makes you healthier. Excess belly fat (fat around your organs) is not healthy at any age. She WANTS to lose weight and she asked me to help her do so.
Exercising and eating for health can be a struggle at times. It is even for me and I'm passionate about it. Imagine how hard it is to motivate yourself as a teenager. I am encouraging her because I love her and want her to be happy about herself. And she is not happy at the size she is.
I think that the attitude about being happy regardless of your size is great (it's way better than thinking happiness only comes to thin people). It's a touchy subject, however, and I don't believe that it's the message we want to be sending our children when we live in a country where obesity and diseases due to being overweight and eating poorly, are so prevelent today. We need to educate them. When you are an adult, it's your choice, you can do whatever you want. And if she decides that she doesn't want to live a healthy lifestyle, after she is an adult, she can eat what she wants and sit on the couch all day if she pleases. But I will be seriously disappointed in myself as a parent.
I hope that this explains more of the message I am trying to give to Hanna. I'm trying to do what's right for her. I do love her so.
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