It's a lifestyle

Since my last post I've been thinking, maybe it's kind of strange that I'm posting about fat loss and burning calories when I'm currently not trying to do either. It's just hard to change a train of thought that I've had for SO many years.


I am what is called an ectomorph: meaning I'm skinny, have a pretty fast metabolism and burn through calories like crazy, and also (unfortunately) have a harder time building muscle. I guess, lucky for me, I can eat a lot and really not have to worry much about gaining. But when you want to build muscle, that sort of sucks. Of course, it's still possible, it will just take a lot of hard work and a lot of food.

I shouldn't do more than 30 minutes, 3 times per week of any type of cardio. Just enough for cardiovascular health. Because weight training alone will burn a lot of calories, I don't want to add to that. It has taken me a long time to realize how skinny I am, but I see it now. Granted I am probably happier being thin than I would be fat, I don't love it. I'd rather be bigger and more muscular. The last thing I want is to look emaciated. I don't get people who just want to waste away to skin and bones. Why is that? What makes that attractive? Maybe they love hearing people tell them how skinny they are. Like it's some great accomplishment. To me, that is one of the most annoying things to hear. Another is when people ask me what I weigh. I'll gladly tell you what I weigh, but why does it matter to you? I can squat and deadlift more than I weigh, does that matter?

People often talk about how they want to get down to a "size x", for whatever reason. I've had that exact same thought process most of my adult life. I was never happy with the size I was, even though I was not overweight by any means. But we think that if we can only get down to this magical size, we will finally be happy with ourselves. Truth is, it doesn't matter what size jeans we fit into. Because I'm pretty sure I could get down to a size zero and still find something about my body to be unhappy about.

I've had to kind of train myself into not thinking I need to lose fat. Even though there is fat on my body that I wish I could get rid of, I need to focus on gaining. It's hard, let me tell you! It's so dang hard to look in the mirror, still see areas of stored fat, yet know that the only thing that will do me any good at this point is to gain weight (muscle, that is). Because then, and only then, will those areas be dealt with. Losing more weight is NOT going to make it better. It would only get saggier and flatter. Ew!

Sometimes I get asked why I like weight lifting so much. Especially since there are a lot of times when I can hardly go from standing to sitting without wincing in pain. I don't know what it is exactly that I love about it. It's hard, it makes me sore, and yet I always go back for more. I first got into it to change my body. Obviously that is still a big part of why I do it. I wouldn't say it's an addiction or that I feel the need to do it. Mostly, it is just so much a part of my lifestyle now - part of my daily routine - much the same as brushing my teeth and taking a shower. My kids are old enough now that they don't cling to my leg, so I don't feel as though it's the only "me" time I get. It's not about keeping my sanity, or a place I go to think. I don't think about anything while I'm training. I am in an extreme mode of focus and concentration. It's probably the only time during the day where I can block everything else out.


And just what am I trying to prove by weight lifting? Nothing! I don't do it so people can flood me with compliments about my strength. I'm not going to tell facebook how much weight I squatted today, just so people can be in awe of me. I don't expect people to tell me how amazing I am or what an awesome person I am because I just spent an hour in the gym. I don't need my ability to be validated by others. I'm not needy for attention, in fact, I'm quite the opposite. I rarely (if ever) seek the approval of others for my accomplishments in the gym. Because I know that no one cares.

But you know what? One day, I'll be the fit granny that still goes to the gym to lift. It's a lifestyle, there is no finish line.