Happiness is the best medicine

Since I seem adiment on not giving up the pleasure of eating sweet treats with my family, I decided that I need to come up with a plan that won't derail my efforts in the gym or compromise my health. Instead of depriving myself and ultimately suffering immense guilt when I give in to temptation, I should allow myself to eat sweets regularily. But instead of eating treats with tons of empty calories, I will eat treats that have the added benefit of nutrition. No bakery goodies or boxed treats. Just home made goodness with a healthy flare.

I've been really loving Darla's recipes on her Stay Healthy Fitness blog. She is dedicated to health and fitness but not giving up on the pleasures in life (like eating treats). She commits herself to the healthy lifestyle and comes up with her own healthy versions of things we all love to eat.

Cookies, brownies, mousse, bars, you name it! Also some fabulous dinner recipes as well. Are you bored with the same old same old? Check her out!

http://stayhealthyfitness.blogspot.com/p/in-my-kitchen-stay-healthy-recipes.html

Today I have the tedious job of making my weekly menu and shopping for groceries. I didn't do it yesterday because we spent the day out in the sun. We are in the [slow] process of beautifying our flower beds. So I was in the dirt picking rocks. The previous owners of this house did very little as far as yard maintenance goes and now we get the fabulous job of trying to pick up their slack. It's not an easy job! There are a lot of areas that need fixing up. Mostly around the edges of the house and deck, but also some flower beds in the back yard and one in the front.

We have, what could be, a fabulous rose garden in the corner of our back yard. And it scares the crap out of me to think about tackling it because it's huge and overgrown. Weeds.....no matter how much we pull them, they love to grow back bigger and fuller. So we basically have to remove ALL the rock and tear up the barrier underneath, then replace it with a new barrier and put the rocks back on top. It's a very slow and looooong process. Needless to say we are saving the two biggest areas for last. We probably won't get to them until next summer. Unless I am feeling overly ambitious.

In our rose garden we have white, light pink, dark pink and deep red roses. All very beautiful but the placement of the bushes is very sporatic and haphazard looking. Larger bushes are over taking the smaller ones and there is no real balance to the garden. Possibly because some have died out. I would like to dig them up and try moving them around but I'm scared they won't come back next year. I moved 3 peony bushes this summer and they didn't seem to like their new spots very much. But I cut them down and I am hopeful that next year they will come back.

We also planted a herb garden with our strawberries and raspberries and it is thriving! Our lavender came back this year to my surprise. When we lived in Denmark we had a circular brick patio that was completely surrounded by tall lavender. Sitting out there smelling lavender was like heaven! I really wanted that here. One of these years we will have it where we want it. And part of the fun, I guess, is doing it ourselves. We will appreciate it that much more.

So, since gardening all day can be a bit of a workout, I am not super gung ho about getting to the gym. I'm trying to relax and not let it run my life. I just want to be happy and enjoy the summer with my kids and appreciate my extra time with them. If I feel like hitting the weights, I will. If I feel like doing a little cardio, I will. But I'm not going to think "I HAVE TO!" I don't want to look back on my life and think of all the time I spent feeling unhappy about myself. It would be such a waste of a good life. And that would be a shame. I already feel a certain amount of shame for being so concerned about the way I look. I want to project confidence and happiness, not this controlling obsessive behavior I exude these days. That's not the picture of a happy woman. It's a woman who is plagued with low self esteem. One who feels the need, for whatever reason, to let one thing consume her life so much that she literally can't enjoy all the other things that are worth taking the time to enjoy.

It used to make me feel proud that I was doing something good for my body and health. It still does, and I still will make every effort to stay fit and healthy. But I'm not going to look at everyone around me, enjoying life, while I sit in my own prison of self made restrictions, longing to be like everyone else letting go and having fun. There is a certain amount of respect I feel for people that have the will and determination to make their body goals a reality. And for those who train endlessly for what they want to accomplish. But more than that, I admire the people who can find a balance for it all. I never could find a balance. My dedication always seemed more like an unhealthy obsession. I say unhealthy because I let it rule my life for so long. And it never made me truly happy. And maybe that's because I never really achieved what I set out to do.

I'm getting older and I know that one day, no matter how much I train or how well I feed my body, skin will sag and wrinkle, I will age. I will have to face it. Now is the time to relish being young, feeling young. I'm not 18 anymore. I won't look that young ever again. And that's OK. It has to be, because there is nothing I can do about it. Live life. Enjoy life. Don't let one obsession consume you too much. It doesn't produce happiness. Realize your limitations and focus on what you can improve. That's all you can do. Strive to be at your best so you can feel your best. Happiness is really the best medicine.