Back to normal

So after a very fun & sun-filled 4 day carbapalooza, it's back to the grind today.

We (Hanna & I) are starting week 2 over again. So we are still 5 weeks out from goal which puts us at August 10th. One day after my baby and hubby leave me for 2 weeks :( more on that another day....

Anyway, I am welcoming the beginning of this low carb day with open arms. I just want my abs back. I've felt so bloated and full that it's hard to imagine why I like "cheat" days. Why do I like eating crap when it makes me feel like crap??? Is the moment of taste really worth the hours of misery?

There are a few things on the menu that I'm not exactly super excited about this week. And so I have to alternate or think of new low carb dishes. The trick is to keep it yummy so that I won't feel like straying. Although straying shouldn't be a problem with no major celebrations in the next 5 weeks. Oh, except for my mother's birthday but that is only 3 days from my goal date so I don't think I have much to worry about there.

I have broken the news to Hanna that we are prepping ourselves for some fasting in the weeks ahead. Not days at a time or anything like that. But there are a few, strategically placed, coming up. I don't even want to think about it. It is going to be one of the toughest things I ever do.

Even though I feel the need to get my routine back in order, I'm not super duper motivated like I was 2 weeks ago. This happens, I expect it. And part of it is probably because I took a diet vacation and I might be feeling a bit guilty now. It was nice not to feel left out and stressed out and just eat like everyone else. I literally didn't have a single care or worry or stresser for an entire 4 days and it was so wonderful. I wish I could live that carefree everyday.

We were at a beach on Sunday, and I was wearing my bikini with the usual feeling (like I probably shouldn't be wearing it in public). But I am getting better. I am starting to feel more confident, even with my flaws. I know they are there. I know other people can see them. But I'm starting to let go. I have yet to see a woman at the beach with a flawless body (that isn't a teenager), and that helps. Even Jillian Michaels has admitted to having cellulite she just can't get rid of, no matter what she does. And she's a famous trainer! But when I see other women on the beach, running around in their bikinis, with the sun accentuating the cellulite on their legs, it makes me more aware of my own. I wonder, do these women know it's there and just don't care? Or are they blissfully unaware because they don't scrutinize themselves in front of the mirror daily like I do?

Despite my flaws, I know I have some really great body parts, too! I just need to keep focusing on them for the time being, while I keep trying to better the not so great parts.