the fight is over

I've been struggling a lot. And I've been thinking a lot....about struggling. And I have come to a couple conclusions.

The more I deprive myself of something, the more obsessed I become with it. This is one reason why deprivation diets don't work. This is why diets in general don't work. Because they are meant to be a temporary tool. And while you are on this temporary diet, depriving yourself of one thing or another, it seems to be all you crave. So that one day you will crack and binge and undo all the good you've previously done and be back at square one. Or even square -1, depending on how bad the binge was.

I have been craving carbs intensely since depriving myself of them lately. Even though I know it's "temporary", I can't seem to get my brain to care. So what happens is, I give in. And then I give in some more. And I give in so much that it becomes a binge. And what I'm starting to realize is that if I would just eat a little at a time, throughout the day, like a normal person, I wouldn't crave it so badly and end up binging on it later.

So what's been happening is I'm trying to do this extremely difficult diet, which is temporarily depriving me of my regular "good" foods: like oatmeal, shredded wheat, sprouted grain bread, fruit, Greek yogurt, etc. and in turn making me a ravenous carb craving fool. But instead of craving oatmeal, I'm craving the worst of it all; pizza, ice cream, brownies, etc. This plan is backfiring for me.

So, before it spirals way out of control, I'm putting a stop to it. Because when I'm on my regular habit of eating clean (carbs and all) I don't have these wild swings where I crave and binge. I realize that I'm probably giving up my chance at finally losing my saddlebags but I think at this point, I'd rather keep my sanity. If I can continue just to eat right and exercise like I normally do, who knows, maybe they'll eventually go away. 6 weeks sounded wonderful and I really thought I could do it, but it has been taking a toll on me and I don't like where it's headed. Major kudos to the test group who was able to follow this plan and get awesome results. They certainly deserved it! Because it's NOT easy.

And who knows, maybe there is still hope for me. I know that proper nutrition and exercise will certainly keep me from gaining fat and becoming overweight. That is the bigger picture that I need to focus on. I'm so sick of picking apart my little flaws. I'm so sick of thinking I need to achieve perfection. Not one single person that I care about tells me I need to change. My husband loves my body, my daughters make comments on my muscles all the time, everyone else generally tells me I'm too thin. Who am I really trying to be perfect for? Myself? I think I'm finally ready to say, I'm here, and I'm happy. Whatever comes next, comes. But for now, I'm chill.

I'm going to continue with the Shapeshifter workouts and eating healthy the way I know how, but I'm officially done with diet. It's just too hard. And there were a few fasting days coming up next week which probably would have killed me even if I did make it that far. Sorry to be a quitter but I know my limits. I know how to eat healthfully and I know that if I eat right and include carbs, I won't have the cravings that make me a maniac.

Maybe I'll start posting my favorite healthy recipes and favorite exercises. I'm sure that will be far more interesting to read than my constant whining anyway ;) In fact, I'm going to start with one now!

I love tacos. I love Mexican food. But it can be highly caloric. To get our fix of fiesta, we make taco salads. No soft or hard shells. Just a plate with a mound of lettuce, topped with extra lean beef cooked with low sodium taco seasoning. Add some ranch flavored vinaigrette spritzer, salsa, low fat Mexican shredded cheese, onions, and small bits of black olives. Totally yummy. Totally filling. When you have a dinner this packed with flavor and nutrition, you honestly don't even miss the carb!

Favorite exercise of the moment: lunge jumps. Get into a lunge then explosively jump into a lunge with the opposite leg. Repeat 10 times per leg for one set (so you are actually counting 20 jumps). Catch your breath and go again. See how many sets you can do! Don't sacrifice form. 4 perfect reps is better than 10 sloppy ones!