Thursday, June 5, 2014


I would post this throw back pic on Facebook, but I don't want to be "that girl".
Really, I get it when people are annoyed when others post selfies too often. I'm not a huge selfie person, although I do them now and again for fun. Mainly to play with editing apps on my phone.
And I totally get that people who post body pics, like those above, are usually considered people who are just looking for attention. Well, I'm not looking for attention with these photos, I want to inspire people. I want to inspire myself. Body goals are difficult - but possible.
 Most of these pictures were about 2-3 years ago, when I was very lean and muscular. I was damn proud of my body and all the work it took to get it to look the way it did. I felt very empowered by it. At the time, I had no job outside my home and I felt as though I was accomplishing something by sculpting a body that could possibly enter a fitness competition one day.
When you work really really hard to sculpt your body, you take pride in it. All that time, pain, sacrifice, tears (yes, there are tears), and hard work you put in for a body that not many people have, there is a huge sense of accomplishment and pride. Not that I want to show off, but I do want to show what I am capable of. I used to take a TON of progress "selfies". Not to share with the world, but for my own way of tracking progress. A picture doesn't lie. I can't fake having a lean muscular body. This was real. This was me. And I can look back and say "Damn!". And to think at this point in my life, I was striving daily, constantly, to be better - leaner, fitter, more muscular. It was extremely hard at that point to improve farther. And only tightening up my diet to a point where I was unwilling to go, would have gotten me there.
My marriage would have only suffered farther.
I've read many instances where situations like this affect marriages. I didn't know how my personal eating habits and training could possibly be such a big deal to my husband. He wasn't being deprived of anything he loved to eat. And I still ate "naughty" stuff now and then - just not to excess. But the hard muscular body of a fit freak was not one he wanted to be married to. He likes soft, womanly bodies. I like fit bodies. I think once you have put in the work, and made the sacrifices, and know what it takes to get there, you have a better appreciation for them. And you know what mental and physical strength are required to get you there. It's admiration that goes farther than just the exterior body. The determination and dedication and HEART it takes is simply immeasurable. If you've never had a passion for body sculpting, I suppose it's hard to understand and have that level of appreciation.
It's not just a hot looking body, but an amazing inner strength and will.
I can look back at these pictures and say, "wow! That was me! I did that!" It's amazing what we can do with our bodies. And I've learned that it takes so little time to let a great body slip away. Years of hard work can disappear in a matter of a months. Getting it back doesn't take quite as long, muscle memory is pretty amazing, but it's still a battle.
I don't care who thinks I'm being vain, shallow, showing off, or any other hateful and jealous words I can't think of at the moment. I don't! I worked HARD for exactly what you see in those pictures. I had a goal, and had the heart and the passion to get there. We make choices and we live our lives in a way that moves us closer to what matters. At the time, my body goal mattered. It still matters some, just not as much. I've got multiple jobs which means more responsibilities. Priorities would have to switch if I had a serious body goal. But right now, it's just not an important enough for me to focus on. My kids are growing so fast and I don't want their childhood to slip away while I'm too wrapped up in a personal goal. It can wait.
This is why I can look back at these pictures and instead of feeling sad that I don't have that body anymore, I can be proud that I once did, and that I was strong enough to let it go.
For my family, for my kids, and for our happiness.