Friday, August 30, 2013

end of summer boot camp

Last night was the last summer session of Keith's Brutal Bootcamp. It was easy, relative to past sessions. I did a half hour of Dance Fit, left mid class to get to bootcamp. And basically it was a regular warm up with a bunch of challenges like: exercises until you simply can't do them anymore.

race around the track with ankle bands on
bicep curls with the band
push ups
wall sit

And if you won the challenge, you didn't have to do burpees. I only won one challenge. The women in the group are all much stronger than me since they have been in it since spring. I can't wait to get there!

Sorry about the downer of a post yesterday. I was beyond frustrated and it's good for me to get it out into the universe. I know that some people DO care about me and my situation, so that is a comfort. Thanks. You know who you are ;)

Since I've been so depressed and stressed out this year, I feel like I'm in an endless rut and never have anything to get excited about, I decided to make an effort to think of things that will cheer me up.

Things to look forward to:
1) Long weekend - I want to go to Duluth with my kids (husband, optional)
2) XaBeat training weekend coming up September 14th & 15th. 2, 8 hour days of nonstop dancing. Should be a nice calorie burn there! I'll have to load up on some good carbs a day or two before!
3) The next two weeks off from bootcamp! Which means, I won't have to miss wine tasting night at the Cork! It's Thursday evening, same as bootcamp :(  I've been missing it!
4) Next week is a short week!
5) I'm having a pizza/bender night tonight with my kiddos (if I don't leave town)

I'm really scraping the bottom of the barrel now, but it's something. Have a good one friends!

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Because this fits my situation to a T

"The blaming partner will always tell you that their behaviour was caused by what you said or did."

Yes indeed - If I had not been so "obsessive" with fitness, my husband could probably still tell me he loved me.

There are so many things I find ridiculous about this.

First, I'd like to point out how ironic it is that someone on blood pressure medication (or is it cholesterol meds - or both) can criticize me about health status. My doctor always raved about my numbers and commended me on my efforts to stay healthy. And, I'm not on medication to keep my health in check.

Just because I'm on the small side by nature, AND happen to like being an active, fit individual, doesn't mean I've got a raging out of control problem. Certainly not any bigger of a problem than someone with...oh, say, a major sugar addiction. And anyone with half a brain knows what too much sugar on a daily basis does to you. Getting put down for being too skinny is the same as being put down for being fat. Only it's not considered taboo like it is to call out someone for being fat. You would never say to an overweight person, gee, I think you're too fat, you should eat less and workout more. So why is it ok to unleash your opinion on a skinny person. Obviously they eat like birds and over exercise, right? I mean, it's not like we are all made differently, with different DNA and genes and metabolism and stuff and junk. Oh wait, we ARE all different, aren't we!

I love those people who "care" about your health so much that they try to stuff you with cupcakes and pizza and encourage you to STOP GETTING ALL THAT EXERCISE! Because that's promoting a picture of health, isn't it. No, it actually isn't. But it is showing off a great example of hypocrisy.

I think it all boils down to two things: jealousy and control. Say what you will, but this is my opinion. Hey, you have yours, I have mine. Haters gonna hate. Love isn't supposed to be conditional. That's called control.

True Story: I have actually been told that I get all the exercise I need doing stuff like walking to my car. Yeah. Uh-huh. Let me give you a standing ovation for your brilliant work in that think tank.

The following are statements directly from Mayo Clinic doctor, Edward R. Laskowski, M.D.

"How much should the average adult exercise every day?

Aerobic activity. Get at least 150 minutes a week of moderate aerobic activity or 75 minutes a week of vigorous aerobic activity.

Strength training. Do strength training exercises at least twice a week. No specific amount of time for each strength training session is included in the guidelines."

For those who can't count - that's 5 cardio sessions and 2 strength training sessions for a grand total of 7 sessions of exercise per week. A bit more than walk to your car would you say? But what does he know, he's only a doctor for the MAYO EFFING CLINIC.

Oh, and did you also get that part about some vigorous activity being acceptable? Imagine that!

I....had a dream. Once upon a time. A frivolous little unimportant goal. I wanted to compete in a figure competition. And anyone who has ever thrown around this idea themselves knows what type of training and diet habits are involved in prepping for a competition. It's very strict. But it isn't long term, either.

Maybe you think it's a stupid dream. But you are not me. Maybe I think having the world's largest bug collection is a stupid dream. But I am not a bug collector. I wouldn't understand. That's the funny thing about dreams, they can be WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT. Hence the definition of the word dream: something hoped for: something that somebody hopes, longs, or is ambitious for, usually something difficult to attain or far removed from present circumstances

difficult to attain...

So what do you do when someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally, continually squashes your dreams because it isn't what they want? It doesn't make them happy?

This picture is SO true for me. Notice how those closest to you are some of the first to try and stop you from reaching your goals.

And can I also get a HOLLA from all the guys who really just hate it when their girlfriends/wives take care of their bodies?

no? hmmm, go figure.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

training schedule (tentative)

I'm trying to get back into training regularly so that I don't feel so dumpy anymore, and it's almost like my common sense has gotten fogged over with the rest of what I knew how to train for health. I was trying to make a workout schedule on Sunday and a really good solid plan that I could stick to seemed to elude me. Here's what I came up with:

Sunday: HIIT
              Weight training circuit

Monday: Rest

Tuesday - Boot Camp

Wednesday: HIIT
                     Weight training circuit

Thursday: XaBeat (only half hour)
                 Boot Camp

Friday: Weight training circuit

Saturday: XaBeat

My goal was to get both my boot camp sessions in, 3 HIIT sessions in, 3 lighter weight training sessions in, and 3-4 XaBeat classes in a week. The only thing is, I'm not sure if I'm over reaching with this schedule. Boot camp and HIIT are two major stressors to the body (which is my main concern). I love the fact that both are going to help me torch calories and get my metabolism skyrocketing again, but I'm hoping that it isn't going to effect my cortisol levels. I've already been under enormous amounts of stress this year and I'm not sure adding to it would be wise.

Also, adding a weight training circuit 3 times per week - is that wise? This isn't a super heavy sets type of workout. Just moderate weight at moderate intensity. Something that I can handle doing, and enjoy it, not dread it (like boot camp).

And XaBeat, is just fun. It's an easy way to burn an extra 2000 calories a week. It's not a stressor at all.

I think I like this schedule, it seems doable. I am hoping that my first week on this schedule is successful. If I could just get my eating under control....

I try not to beat myself up. It's a mental game. I absolutely KNOW that I need to eat, especially when I'm working out hard. I absolutely KNOW that if I try to cut back too much, I won't be doing my body any favors. Yet, I've got this mental block about it. I associate eating with gaining weight - when instead I need to be constantly reminding myself that eating healthy at the appropriate times is fueling my next workout. If I don't have fuel in the tank, I'll run out of gas. And if I don't give it 110% when I workout, I'm missing out on a bigger calorie burn. And in the end, that it what I want. Because I am NOT liking the soft belly that this past year of incredibly high emotional stress has created. People, believe me when I tell you that stress is BAD BAD BAD for your body! I totally believe in the stress hormone cortisol contributing to belly fat. I'm trying so hard on a daily basis to destress myself but I have a loooong way to go to learn the proper techniques. I could actually benefit from a little Yoga or Bodyflow. What I should do is make meditation and stretching a part of my bedtime routine.

I know that LISS (low intensity steady state) cardio would be helpful for destressing, but I'm never going to stick to a plan that involves me running for an hour most days of the week. Plus, I can count my XaBeat sessions into that category. I like to go for walks too. And that is a great way to sneak in some destressing time. My problem is I lack the motivation to get up and do it in the evening. Depression is fierce animal, but I will beat it!!

I've been reading a little bit, trying to find a good rhythm that will suit my goals. It always comes down to which type of cardio to add to my program. Weight training is always number one. No matter what I read, that always gets the award for "best exercise" because of the multiple benefits for people seeking to achieve fat loss, metabolic increase, tight body and overall good health. It's the cardio that is always split. Some think longer steady state is best, others think HIIT is best. When it comes down to it, I think just deciding which YOU like better is the key. Because a 15-20 or even 30 minute session of higher intensity intervals will always be more appealing to me, I'm more likely to get it done. It sucks - I literally have to give myself a pep talk every time - I know I'm going to get uncomfortable - but in the end, it goes by so much quicker and I know it is torching calories and raising my metabolic rate much more so than an hour of jogging. This works for ME, because I jog slow therefore I don't burn much for calories. Now if your steady state cardio is running a 6 minute mile, your still getting a good calorie burn, even if it's "steady state". It's all relative.

I try not to be too one sided about fitness. I've branched out BIG TIME since I first fell in love with weight training. I'm going to be a XaBeat instructor next month for crying out loud! If that isn't branching out, I don't know what is! But I will say that when I was in the best shape of my life (about a year and a half ago) it was because of my dedication to weight training. I did next to nothing for cardio. And that's how I liked it. If you can get into the best shape of your life doing something you love, you shouldn't do it any other way ;)

Monday, August 26, 2013

yesterday and today

Training day off today.

Yesterday - 15 minute sprints and metabolic circuit training with weights. Lots of sweat and one pulled butt muscle. Ouch!

Diet....ugh. Started out great. It always starts out great. The only bad thing was wine and cheese right before bed. Could have been worse. Oh, and a cupcake. But I stuffed myself with veggies. Spinach and kale and cabbage and brussel sprouts and broccoli slaw and cucumbers and .....LOTS of veggies. So that was good.

Tomorrow - boot camp in the afternoon and XaBeat in the evening. I am hoping I can stick the diet ALL day.

It's been hot here. REALLY hot. In fact, they closed 5 elementary schools in town through Wednesday because of it. I feel terrible for the people who have outside jobs. It must be awful. I don't even think my trainer will take us outside this week for boot camp. No need to risk getting heat stroke for a little outdoor running, especially when it can be done inside. I'm praying he has mercy on us (and brains).

Friday, August 23, 2013

Yummy Treat Idea

Craving something sweet? This is an idea

1 brown rice cake (I can only find these at Swanson Health Products, haven't seen them in the grocery store yet, only the white rice cakes)
Top that with whipped cream cheese
And on top of that, spread a little bit of Nutella

It's a good way to satisfy a sweet tooth and need for crunch!

Today, my diet has been all over the place. I'm SO HUNGRY! I think I'm hungrier when I work out hard - that's a given. And you need to eat when you workout hard. Eating (healthfully) and exercising work synergistically together.

Breakfast: egg and cheese sandwich (150 calories & 28% of daily fiber)
Snack: almonds, pine nuts, 80 cal Greek yogurt, 3 Kavli crisps (50 cal)
Lunch: Special K with unsweetened almond milk, 45 cal bread and slice sharp cheddar
Snack: brown rice cake with whipped cream cheese & Nutella
Dinner: (will be grilled salmon and fresh from the garden green beans, and maybe some wild rice)

You see that I'm still not eating properly. Not nearly enough protein or vegetables. Grrrr!

Nothing for exercise so far today. I don't know if I'll walk tonight or not. I'm still feeling lazy.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Boot Camp - day 2

Cardio/endurance day. Not as bad as Tuesday's workout but still tough. I'm realizing how out of shape I have gotten! It really happened quickly. Just the little running we did was tough for me and then the challenges in between are tough, especially in the heat. But I pushed through it and so glad I did. Although during that hour there were many times I told myself I couldn't do it and probably wouldn't be back for this punishment. I guess the class started with 30 people and they dropped out like flies! Considering there were only 5 of us in the class tonight, that really shows how tough it is.

So today was some running, lots of squats, pulsating squats, sprints, push ups, sit ups, planks, step ups, shuffling and ended with some challenges. On the list for challenge options were 50 burpees (no stopping), 200 push ups, 1000 sit ups, 3 foot box jump, inch worm around the track, side step with band around the track, and many many more. ALL of which were absolutely killers. I chose 50 burpees, banded side step and the spin bike on level 16.

I was still very sore today and quite worried about how I would handle it but I think the movement helped loosen me up. Such a wonderful supportive group of ladies too. I've really grown to love group exercise. It pushes you and gives you the support you just don't get working out alone. I would recommend it to anyone.

Diet today started out great!

breakfast: 2 eggs & FiberDX drink
snack: almonds & granny smith apple
lunch: 1/2 broiled chicken breast & salad
snack: Greek yogurt and 3 Kavli crisps
dinner: meat marinara over whole wheat toast & 1 slice cheese pizza (boo!)
dessert: 2 mini snickers...could have been worse! I'm weaning myself sloooowly ;)

All in all, not a terrible day for diet. A lot of areas that need improving though!

My goal for each week is going to be 2 boot camp sessions, 3 - 15 minute intense interval sessions, and 4 Dance Fit sessions each week. I might vary it a little but I would be happy accomplishing that.

I did wear my heart rate monitor but it slid down (like I knew it would) so I took it off. I had burned 200 calories at the time and I was 23 minutes in.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013


I'm so incredibly sore today and it just gets worse as the day goes on. I've been waddling around all day like a pregnant woman. Quads, butt and biceps KILL right now. I don't know how I'm going to survive tomorrow's boot camp since the second day after is just as bad as the first, even worse most times. I'm slightly comforted by the fact that he said we wouldn't be using any weight. However, I know he plans on a more cardio/endurance type workout OUTSIDE and it doesn't have me very excited.

My workout buddy bailed on me. One workout. Done. She can't handle that type of training. So it's just me and two other women that have been doing the class for a while. I'm all blubber and no stamina so it will be interesting for sure.

Diet today:

Breakfast: 2 eggs, one piece toast (white Fiber One bread - not the best choice)
Snack: small serving of whole wheat rigatoni with meat sauce
Lunch: small round of flatbread with chicken, spinach and artichoke
Dinner: small serving of whole wheat rigatoni with meat sauce (yes, again)
Dessert: snickers (damn it!!)

I will do better tomorrow. I promise.

Exercise today:

If anything, I might take a walk on the treadmill but as tired as I am, it's probably not going to happen :(

I will be so happy when I get my stamina and strength back.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

holy crap!

Ok, so two posts in one day is almost unheard of from me, and likely won't happen too often but I just couldn't wait to tell you about boot camp. Harder than I could have ever imagined.

Nearly 600 calories in one hour. It

First we warmed up by taking a run OUTSIDE in this insane heat and humidity. Then we continued our warm up inside doing things like walking lunges (forward and backwards), high knees and butt kicks.

Now we get to the fun part. He tells us we can choose a weight. Either pick a 45lb plate for 3 laps around the track, a 35lb weight for 4 laps around the track or a 25lb weight for 5 laps. I picked up the 45lb plate and said, "Do you think I can handle it?" and he said, "no problem". So, like the fool I am, I chose the 45. Did my 3 laps around the track. It was doable. Then we had to run a few laps.

And now, for the kicker. He said the weight we chose would be an important decision. Boy was he right! Because now we had to do 3 laps with this weight (in my case, a huge 45lb plate) only this time, we had to lunge the 3 laps! Thaaaaaaaaaaat's right. Walking lunges, 3 times around the track, while holding a 45lb plate! Can you even fathom this??? I seriously thought he was joking. No way is he making us do this. No way CAN I do this. He wasn't joking. And yes, we did.

Not only that, but every so often, we had to stop and do shoulder presses and bicep curls with this weight. AND (yes there is more), if we set the weight down at all to rest, he added 5 burpees to the end of the workout. I'll say it again,! I would never in a million years have pushed myself this hard. Ever. EVER! I honestly cannot believe I did it. It was that tough. Oh, and I got 15 burpees in the end ;)

I used to think I was pretty bad ass. I did some pretty intense workouts on my own. I've tried many programs and done DVD workouts like The Firm, Insanity, Turbo, and Ripped. This work out pushed me WAY harder.

Unbelievable! And I'm going back Thursday for more punishment. Help me Jesus!

Oh, and I had my planned protein bar and since I worked so hard, a little leftover steak too ;)  I can't wait to see what I look like a month, two months, three months from now!!!

Boot camp

I can't believe it's the end of August. This year has flown by. hasn't.

This has been one of the toughest years of my life. So while going through the days seems slow, looking back I can't believe how fast it's actually gone. We always say that though, right? Time goes by so fast. For everyone.

I have tried to get my motivation back. For months I have tried and failed. My focus has been on my family and my marriage. I don't make my body and my health a priority anymore. Case and point, I'm eating chili cheese corn chips as I type this. I like to defend this lack of self care on my changing priorities. I like to think that I'm not as selfish as I used to be.

But I don't feel like myself. Not only because my health habits have changed, but my life in general has changed immensely in the past year. I need to feel like me again. I need to feel good about myself. Confident, energetic, healthy, and happy. So I'm going to try something that I am hoping will give me a little boost. Boot camp.

I had talked briefly to one of the trainers that works at the gym about this class he teaches. It's an hour long and it basically pushes you to the point of exhaustion. This is what I need. It's twice a week, which is perfect. Because you can't do too much of this type of training - bad for cortisol levels. So my first class is today. I'm scared and excited at the same time. Scared because I know that I've lost levels of muscle and fitness. I can see it and I can feel it. But excited because I know I can get it back. I need a trainer, and some accountability. This will be the kick start that I need to get myself back on track.

I'm going to try REALLY REALLY HARD to post more often (like daily again) to keep myself accountable. What I eat and my workouts. And I am asking for your help. Keep me accountable. Keep me motivated. If I miss a post, ask me what the hell happened. If I skip a workout, ask me what my lame ass excuse was for skipping it.

I've gone on long enough in this fog that I'm in. It's not only hurting me, but my kids. I've been trying to hold it together for them but I'm failing at that too. I know that if only I can start feeding my body better and weight training regularly again, I will get those feel-good hormones surging again. That will be my anti-depressant, my therapy. I know this and have known it all along, just needed to take that first step. Like I always preached to other people, the first step is always the hardest.

I know that I can make myself a priority again without making it feel like selfishness. I know that I can live a healthy lifestyle without it hurting or affecting my family members. I know that I can find a healthy balance, where I am happy and satisfied with my progress and no one else is bothered by it in the least.

So, to stay with my plan, here is what I've eaten so far today (don't judge...LOL)

Breakfast: 2 eggs
Snack #1: small handful almonds
Lunch: Special K cereal w/ almond milk, 100 calorie Greek Yogurt, and a heap of chili cheese corn chips (FAIL!)
*the rest is planned meals
Post Work Out: protein bar
Dinner: shredded zucchini "spaghetti"

And I will post about the workout later today. What it entailed and how I held up. I'm planning on wearing my heart rate monitor but it likes to slide down during intense exercise.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Here is my day...

Up at 4:30 to workout
Work six hours at Courts
Come home and work on Prints Charming orders
Work tonight at the pet walk
And a co-curricular meeting at Davies tonight

Anything more I can cram into my day?? I'm thinking my husband will enjoy a nice frozen pizza for dinner tonight!

Holy crap, I'm a zombie right now and just want to sleep. I thought I'd take a break and whine a little. I can hardly see straight, so why I'm attempting to type a worthwhile blog post is beyond me.

This week I'm starting something new: get a workout in before I leave for work. So far, I'm 2 for 2. It hasn't been hard getting up and getting it done, but I definitely feel it towards afternoon. It's a whole different ball game for me now that I'm working.

I have been sleeping good lately but not last night. I was looking at the clock every half hour, I swear. Ugh! Isn't exercise supposed to help you sleep better??

I've got grocery shopping that needs to be done, laundry that needs to be done, menu planning and cooking that needs to be done......and I'm practically asleep on my feet. Feeling a little like I might earn my super mom cape by the end of this day.

Still learning how to balance a work life and my mom life. I have always had a lot of respect for the working moms of the world, maybe even more now that I am trying to do the juggle myself. It's SO much easier to put yourself on the back burner when you don't have as much free time. I truly have a greater understanding of how easy it is to say no to yourself. Most nights I would much rather stay home and enjoy family time than go to the gym. And even that isn't always going to be an option. I'll be teaching classes at some point next month and there will go even more of my free time! Some days, I'm not sure how I'll handle it all.

This year has been one hell of a ride! More ups and downs than I'm used to. It has been hard. A TON of stress. MAJOR changes in my life. I'm ready for things to slow down and get back to normal, but I don't even know what that is anymore! Maybe this is normal? It's definitely shown me what I'm made of. It's amazing what we can learn about ourselves and how much more we are capable of than we think. I believe in myself a heck of a lot more than I did!

Thursday, August 1, 2013


I am such a different person than I was a year ago.

I used to be a stay at home mom, doing stay at home mom things. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I did it for nearly 10 years. And I really enjoyed it. But it was time to move on to the next stage in my life. My kids are pretty self sufficient for the most part. They play really well together, they help each other out when I'm busy, and they do a LOT more chores now that I'm a working girl. I leave for work at 6:30 and I can leave a list of chores for them to do and I almost feel guilty coming home to a clean house every day. Almost ;)

Really, though, it's an absolute dream. Cleaning up after everyone constantly and never really feeling appreciated for all I did got to be draining. It's hard to motivate yourself day after day in that situation. Same old monotonous stuff. Every. Day. Then I got a job. And suddenly things seemed to get better. My kids had to take on more responsibility for themselves (which they should've done long ago) and some of the burden was off me! I was so busy doing every little thing for them that they never really had much of an opportunity to learn to do things for themselves. My husband didn't feel like he's was stuck being the only provider for the rest of our lives together. I didn't realize it, but he felt under appreciated too because he was earning all the income and trying to save for retirement while I was contributing nothing.

I've added more hours to my work day. So I'm working 6 hours a day at the gym. Plus the work I do for my business. AND I will be a fitness instructor next month and that will add some hours to the week. I feel.......I don't know the word. Grown up? Responsible? I mean, I know I was responsible before, but this feels different somehow. I feel like I'm pulling my own weight. I feel more like an equal to my partner. I feel like I have the right to buy those shoes I've been wanting. Because I've earned it. I always felt that I earned what I bought in the past, but felt bad that the payee had to be my husband. Now, I am my own boss. I set my own prices. Plus I have a job that directly deposits checks to my account twice a month. It feels damn good to earn my own money!!

But it's not just the fact that I'm truly busier and making money, I'm different because I'm not so obsessed with fitness and diet like I was a year ago. And I can say obsessed because I was. I knew it. I don't try to defend it anymore. I was dedicated to my body and my health. I still am, but I think in a healthier way. I'm not balls to the wall anymore. And I think I know why. I've got other things occupying my mind. I'm not at home all day, thinking about my next workout, or my next healthy meal or finding every fitness article and exercise routine written to help me achieve some frivolous goal, that in the end, would not have proved a thing in this world other than to say I was in better shape than 90% of my peers. Simply put, I don't have all the free time to think of my selfish aspirations.

The funny thing is, I've gained 10 pounds, and some days I love it! And some days I feel like such a cow. And then I'll stop myself and say, "Hey! You are finally at a healthy weight! You are still way below average! Teetering on the edge of underweight for your age. How can you be a cow!" It's just so hard to get used to the new me being.......normal! (for lack of a better word) Are grown women with 3 kids supposed to fit into size 2 jeans??!! That's just not normal! Although that's what I was - and still trying to get smaller!! That's messed up!

I don't freak out if I miss a workout. I don't freak out if I have pizza or French fries or ice cream. I don't try to starve myself or workout for 3 hours a day. I don't worry about LBM or BMI or MHR. I'm just chill. Sure I have days where I'm very self aware and can't seem to get over my new fluffier body. It's hard to look, sometimes, at my round belly where a nice hard six pack used to be. It's sad to see my back slowly lose definition with each passing month. But if it was on the top of my priority list, I would do something about it. And right now, I'm just too happy with where I'm at to be bothered! And I think before I wasn't truly happy with my situation, so I was trying to mask it with something I felt I could control. My body. If I could be a tight, lean, fit, person, I could at least say I had done something successful with my life. As a stay at home mom, I struggled with that. But if I was in control of my body, more so than the average squishy mom my age, I at least could pride myself in that. Because I felt there was nothing else. It wasn't enough to say I had raised 3 wonderful little people? It wasn't enough to be the backbone of my family? I don't know....

I'm not a glamorous business women who earns a 6 digit salary. But I am an entrepreneur and I have a job that makes me very happy. I can have pride in that. My body is so-so. And for once in my life - THAT'S JUST FINE!!

I'm sure that once I am teaching fitness classes, my newfound fluff will disappear. Not that it matters, it's just a perk ;)