mirror mirror

I weighed and measured today. Up 3 pounds from last week. This is not fat or muscle gain, just bloat. Fluctuation in weight 3-5lbs is normal for me. But I had an impeccable diet last week and worked out so freakin' hard. So the fact that my measurements were still the same bothers me a little. I should be seeing some sort of measurable improvement, shouldn't I? I know sometimes you can experience lulls. And I know that it can take your body time to adjust. But come on....seriously. Seriously?

(uh oh....here we go....)

I honestly don't know what more I can do. I torture myself with grueling workouts, day in and day out. I eat clean and healthy almost ALL the time. I deprive myself of things I would love to eat but don't simply because of either high calorie content, or because it's unhealthy and I don't want to waste all the effort sweat and tears I put into my workouts. I keep track of what I eat. I take supplements. I sneak in extra activity whenever I can. I am borderline psychotic when it comes to this stuff. Obsessed, if you will. YET.....

yet...

I need to hire a trainer, or a coach or something. I need to know what they do in situations like this. But won't. Because I'm certain that they wouldn't give me any new information that I haven't already read or tried. So I'll just keep going, doing what I'm doing. I know that if I continue to do the right things, eventually I will see something.

My mom wanted to take me out to lunch yesterday. I shot her down. I feel bad for always saying "not today" because I don't want to be tempted with food I wouldn't have eaten if I just stayed home. But I gave her a light at the end of the tunnel to look forward to. I told her that once November rolls around, I will eat more and I could not believe the response I got.

She was SO happy to hear me say that. I don't know what it is with my mom and husband, but they insist that I am too skinny and that I need to gain weight. Last night, Andreas told me he wished I would gain 15 pounds of fat. I didn't say anything. But later I asked him, "Do you really think I need to gain 15 pounds of fat?" ....he said, "ok, how about 5lbs of fat" and I said, "Do you know what 5 pounds of fat looks like? That's 20 sticks of butter!" Gross! I need that stuck to my ass like I need a hole in the head!

So I said I wouldn't mind gaining 5 pounds of muscle. Even 10 pounds of muscle. It's dense, more compact. That way I wouldn't jiggle or look bigger. And he still insisted I gain fat. What? Has he gone mad? I'm not unhealthy. I'm not emaciated. Fitness models have lower body fat than I do and they look great. So what gives?

I love the fact that he thinks I'm thin. I would much rather have a husband that wants to feed me cookies instead of hide them from me. And I know he thinks I'm sexy. I just don't understand all of the "you're too thin" talk, because I just don't think that I am. And frankly, it's starting to irritate me a little. Is there anyone in this universe on my side?? Is my mirror lying to me??

NO-oodle

I was in a weird mood last night. Maybe I was deliriously tired after the wonderful day I had with my family. Although that makes no sense because it was a relaxing day. But sometimes being outdoors all day getting fresh air can make me tired. Anyway, I was in need of some self motivation so I yelled at myself online. I do that from time to time. I have to be my own drill Sergeant because no one else will do it for me. My husband won't. He's desperately trying to fatten me up. "Have some ice cream! Have some french fries! Eat some candy!" And he'll actually get giddy and happy when I eat something I would consider naughty or forbidden. I don't get it.

All that nonsense aside, I found something at the store the other day that I thought I would share with you. It really got me excited. I practically jumped up and down when I saw it in the store and my teenage daughter was very embarrassed. It's called the NOoodle and it's a zero calorie, zero carb noodle alternative. There are zeros up and down the nutrition facts. I took a picture, of course.

Why it shows up sideways here, I don't know, but if you are flexible enough, you can see the nutrition facts and ingredients.

I made spaghetti last week so I could try them out. I opened the package to drain them and it smelled fishy. It wasn't a pleasant smell. But I rinsed them off and set them to drain, still having high hopes that this was going to be the best thing to happen to a pasta lovin' girl like myself.

When it came down to eating it, I wasn't impressed. The noodles are soft, yet they have a sort of weird pop to them when you chew them. It's like eating caviar. You know how the eggs seem to pop when you chew them? Except I like caviar and I don't mind the pop in that case. With these noodles, however, it just didn't seem right. I ate my plate of spaghetti with NOoodles and was undecided. They don't really have a taste, so it's not that they tasted bad. I decided to try another small helping.

The verdict? I do not like them. I just couldn't get past the strange texture; that popping feeling while I chewed them was unsettling. Hopes crushed. Dreams vanished. Oh well, I'll just go back to eating spaghetti squash.

I get so excited when find alternatives to calorie dense food that I like. Most of the time I am very open to the alternative, I give it a good chance. And most of the time I say that it's pretty good, considering. But this time, I just can't go there.

I still have one more bag in the cupboard. Maybe I'll try it with a pesto sauce next time. Or bake it into a casserole, maybe? Who knows.



I'm my own drill seargant

We went to get Emma's hair cut last week and while we were there I couldn't keep my eyes off of this woman. I felt a little like a creeper, stealing glances at her, trying not to obviously ogle her. But she was amazing. Not in the usual way that the women that work in hair salons are amazing. You know, all done up with perfect hair and perfect make up and perfect clothes. Don't get me wrong, this woman had all those things, but that isn't what made me stare. It was her arms.

She had the most amazing muscular arms I think I've ever seen (in person) on a woman. The muscle was so visible, even though she wasn't flexing. And then, of course, she had the most perfect round lifted butt and tight legs to match those gorgeous arms. She obviously worked out hard with weights, knew what she was doing, ate the right foods, etc. I wanted to be her. Eden thought I was so weird. "why do you keep looking at her?" she said. "Look at her arms!!" I said. I told my husband about her. He just nodded. Didn't say a word. It doesn't interest him in the least. But I don't care. That's gonna be me some day.

I don't want to be the average girl. I'm so sick of being average. I want to WOW people the way she WOWed me. I want to be admired. I want to be beautiful. Is that so wrong, so shallow, so vain? Well, if it is, I don't care. That is what I want. And I'm not going to get there dieting am I? I'm not going to get there running. I'm not going to get there doing cardio videos. I'm not going to get there doing yoga. I'm going to get there lifting weights. My poor neglected bench :( November can NOT come fast enough!

Ok, focus. Stay with it. Concentrate on today. It's all about fat loss. Burn it, baby, burn it! Think millions of jump squats, lunge jumps, dog burps, mountain climbers, woodchoppers, bucket drops, stingers, butt kicks, high knees, push ups and pull ups, hill sprints.......all those wonderful things that make you sweat like a whore in church! Then again. And again. And again!! Don't stop 'til you drop! You love it! (no, I really don't) Staying in shape is a pain in the ass! I don't workout because it's like so much fun and I could just do it all day - I workout because unless I want to be fluffy and frumpy, it's what I have to do. I do it because I want to be fit.

And when November is here, and you've been a good girl and done your fair effing share of stupid damn cardio, it's back to doin' the ONLY thing that's gonna get you that admirable body. Weighlifting. Only this time, I'm gonna eat to back it up ;)

p.s. Amanda - my maintenance level calories is around 2000 so I figure if I bump it up to 2300 while lifting, I'll be able to gain muscle without much fat [or at least, that is the goal]. I think I read somewhere to add between 300 and 500 calories.

Bring it

So it's the weekend. Generally, a time full of temptations and eventually slip ups. Well, with the motivation I've got going, all I have to say is "BRING IT!!!"

Nothing can stop me now.

I'm on a roll. And it reminds me of the way I felt earlier this year, when I had a really successful 2 months. I finally worked my way out of the plateau I was in and saw some measurable results. I haven't made much progress since then, but I haven't been as strict with my diet either.

But I'm in the zone. Don't want to break it now.

I've got until the end of October to go as hardcore as I can, trying to shave off any extra fat before I start lifting again. And eating! That will be nice! Bumping my calories up to about 2300 a day.....yes! But that's way into the future and I don't want to think about it right now. Just focus on today.

My workouts have been INTENSE. I am pushing harder than ever. Sweating gallons. And recovering well with BCAAs and post workout nutrition (both Prograde at the moment). That's very important when you work out hard. I am not going to waste all that effort!

Still keeping my workouts between 30 and 40 minutes. No need to go longer. You don't do your body any good working out longer than an hour anyway. At that point, you start going backwards. Your cortisol levels go up and the higher energy requirements will force your body to break down muscle. I also make sure I provide my muscles with the right nutrients, pre and post workout, so I will use fat as fuel and spare my hard earned muscle. Lack of proper diet, and excessive working out will make any training futile. That reminds me of my stupid self back when I lifted so heavy thinking I was going to build muscle, yet trying to eat low amounts of calories like a dieter. Got me nowhere.

Get in, work hard, get out!

donut run

This week has been one success after another. My diet has been "off the huzzum!" - to quote my children. My fitness has been the same. Everything just feels right.

There are donuts in the house and I don't even WANT to eat them! Gotta love motivation and willpower like that! No really, I gotta love it while I can because it certainly isn't always that easy.

There they are. Bear claws. You can see the grease stains and remnants of sprinkles from the eaten donuts. I promised my family that I would go to the store to buy them donuts as a first day of school celebration treat. And to bribe them to walk with me. Sad, right?

I'm not sure if I mentioned this before but have you ever heard of a donut run? I think they are slightly different depending on the event but basically you run and eat donuts. I watched a hilarious youtube video where they ran 2 miles, ate 12 donuts, then ran 2 more miles. How crazy is that? Another event was a 5k. You run it, then you eat as many donuts as you can. For each donut eaten, time is subtracted from your final running time. Funny, huh?

Maybe in my younger and crazier days, I would have taken part in such a thing. Back when I didn't care about calories. Although back then, I probably couldn't even run a mile. But I'm pretty sure I could eat a dozen donuts though. Especially if they are Krispy Kreme because they are so airy they just melt in your mouth. We used to have a Krispy Kreme in town. Just breathing the air in that place added 500 calories to your daily intake.

Anyway, watch this video http://youtu.be/dv20mFFc-NE but not if you are sensitive to the f-word. They drop a couple bombs in the video.

Life is great!

My body has been screaming the last couple of days. I've been torturing it with morning plyometric circuits and night runs. On top of that, I've been eating super healthy (which is not torture, by any means) and taking ALL my supplements like a good girl.

I think that my supplements are really helping to detoxify me because....well, I don't want to explain it. Just trust me. Here's what I'm taking:

Zinc
Milk Thistle, Dandelion and Yellow Dock trio
Curcumin complex
EFA icon (krill oil)
Grapeseed extract
Gotu Kola
Glucosamine Sulfate
Vitamin B-6
Vitamin C
Multivitamin

It averages to be about 4 pills to swallow 5 times a day (with each meal) and I can handle it. They are mostly for circulation, detoxification, joint health, and yadda yadda...

I've stopped taking CLA. I guess I just got sick of not getting anything out of it. It made me nauseous too, even if only for 5 minutes, it was enough to hate taking it.

And I'm taking my BCAAs before every grueling workout and my recovery drink after. I think that it helps with soreness but it doesn't completely take it away. Especially not when you workout as hard as I do ;)

Anyway, things are going good. I'm in the "skinny" part of my cycle and I love it. I love when I can slide into any pair of jeans and feel hot. I love having all this energy. I love having motivation. Life is great!

not much

Tonight we had "meet the teacher night" at our elementary school. Hanna had her first volleyball practice of the season. And soon we will leave for the airport to pick up my beloved husband and youngest daughter. I will be relieved when they are safe and sound here with me.

I know I haven't posted much lately but there hasn't been much worth posting on a fitness/health/diet level. The weekend led to some overeating of junk food (as usual) which always leads to new motivation Monday morning to get back in the game. That's one good thing I guess. I went grocery shopping for the week and didn't buy one single thing that was bad. Yay! My diet was right on track today. I've been religiously taking all of my supplements. Did I mention I have more/new supplements that I am trying out? I'll elaborate on that another day.

All in all, things are well. I don't think I will jog tonight since my family will be together again for the first time in two weeks. But that's ok because I rocked my morning workout and kept my calories to 300 per meal (I eat 5 "meals" per day).

I've got a couple months to go on this "fat loss" phase, although there isn't much fat loss going on. But I feel really fit and healthy and I love that.