Easter

Oh how holidays are hard to live through when you are trying to eat clean healthy food.

I wasn't going to let it effect me this time. I am too serious about this goal. But then the devil on my shoulder starts whispering things in my ear like, "But you've been so good for so long, you deserve to be a little naughty."

To which the angel on my other shoulder will whisper, "You've worked so hard and come so far, don't slip up now"

It's a battle. Not every day. Not all the time. But I have triggers, and they are difficult to get past.

I've got an addictive personality. At least I can admit that. I know that for the most part, I can stay away from sugar and nasty food, but I am also aware that after a while, abstaining becomes so overwhelmingly difficult that it's ALL I think about.

And it's usually around the month mark. This week has been slightly difficult for me. And it's mostly due to the fact that there were some naughty foods in the house. That's one reason I make it very clear to everyone in the house that we just can't keep things like chips and chocolate in the house. ONLY on the day I intend to have a cheat meal. But, sometimes I feel that is unfair to them.

So I baked bars. Some of my favorite bars in the world. The last time I made them we lived in Denmark. That's how long it's been since I've had one. It's just too dangerous. They are called Hip Padder bars, and they will pad the hips if you eat too many!

Well, I made a pan. Everyone has been thoroughly enjoying them. I brought a couple to my mother, who has been sick with a really bad cold all week. She asked me how they turned out. Had I tried one? Nope. I was holding strong. And I did. For a few days. Then I thought, oh really, what could one half of a tiny bar do?

Well, it makes me want MORE, that's what it does.

So over the course of the week, I've had about 4 hip padder bars, finished off a bag of tortilla chips that were left over from cheat day and then yesterday, I wolfed down a bunch of Easter candy.

And I still have 4 more days of Easter vacation to get through. The kids are all home. Bigs is taking some days off of work. This is usually where the eating clean goes out the window. It's just so hard. And I'm hard on myself. It's a constant struggle.

I really hate it.

Andreas said something to me about a week ago that made me laugh. Because I had thought the exact same thing myself. He was answering a question Emma asked. She asked why mommy wasn't eating [whatever it was] like everyone else. And he said, "so she can wear a bikini twice a year".

While he was underestimating how many times a year I am in my bikini, he did have a good point. And something I think of regularly. But it's not JUST about the bikini. It's shorts, gym pants, skinny jeans and a lot of other things that I wear all year long. It's about confidence. It's about being able to walk around in front of him in cute little things that will make his heart race. I don't want to be worrying about whether or not I'm jiggling or if my cellulite is showing.

I need to refocus.

You know what? I AM passionate about this. I AM serious. I AM dedicated. But I am also human. And to err is human. I will get back up on the horse and ride it hard. That's what I do.

Fall down 7 times, get up 8.