82 days until goal

Today is the second day into my 12 week timeline. I've had this period mapped out for weeks. When my mom suggested I wait "just one more day" and start today I explained to her that I couldn't. That is how I used to live my life, "just one more day"....and that turns into one more week, one more month.....and I can't do that anymore. That's the procrastinating side of me I am working on changing. I told her I had already drawn out my timeline (literally), dated every day, tapped the pieces of paper together, and hung it to the side of the desk.....I can't change it. I'm an officially in it.

I know that might sound weird, but I'm very visual. I have to write everything down or draw it out. I map out my life. It's like if I don't actually see it on paper, it doesn't exist. Some might say this is neurotic. But I think it's therapeutic.

So I'm out of muscle building mode and into lean out mode. I am VERY proud of myself and what I have accomplished over the last few months. Because I finally was able to make a clear decision about what I wanted. I decided that I was strictly going to focus on building muscle and consuming enough calories to do so. And guess what? It worked! I ate and followed a training regimen that was geared toward gaining muscle. And I have gained about 7lbs.

Before, I was so worried about eating more calories than maintenance because I was fearful of seeing the number on the scale go up. Fearful of gaining fat instead of, or along with, the muscle. But I got tired of being scared and going nowhere. I was going nowhere because I was trying to eat to lose fat, yet training and in a mindset to gain muscle. No wonder I never got anywhere!

"It's physiologically impossible to lose fat and gain muscle at the same moment in time. You can't gain muscle in a calorie deficit and you can't lose fat in a calorie surplus, it's that simple." Tom Venuto

I was so busy flip flopping back and forth between trying to gain muscle and trying to lose fat, that I couldn't accomplish either one. I had to have a clear goal and I had to make up my mind. One, then the other. So, I worked on muscle first, since I was already fairly lean to begin with. Then, once that specific timeline was over, I would switch over to fat loss. I had clear and distinctly different goals in mind. And I had exact dates for when I would follow each. It helped immensely! And just like I was finally successful in gaining muscle, I will be successful at losing fat. I have seen the importance clearly defined goal setting.

So now my focus is on fat loss and very strict and clean eating. I am limiting calories to 500 below maintenance and tapering carbs. I'm going to try and follow a baseline of 55/30/15 for my nutrient ratios the first week to see if that produces favorable results. It's hard because I've never really honestly paid attention to those for more than a day or so. I'm plugging everything I eat into MyPlate on Livestrong.com so I can see how I'm doing throughout the day. I even have the app on my phone that syncs with my online account, so whether I'm on my computer at home or out, it'll track to the same account. No excuses!

I'm setting myself up for success with all this planning and tracking.

I'm also in the process of weaning myself off of my anxiety medication. My doctor wanted me off it by summer and my counselor says if I stop it completely my brain won't like it, so I'm slowly taking less and less. It's been a long time since I've had a panic attack and the more distance I put between myself and the last attack, the more confident I feel in my ability to control it. I've learned some helpful techniques for calming myself and becoming more mindful. It's been a wonderful experience because I'm able to apply it to other aspects of my life too. And for me, this justifies the phrase "everything happens for a reason". Bad or good. Even from bad things, good things can come.