Last night wasn't one of the better nights I've had in a while. I was very productive and energized yesterday all day so I felt that it would be one of those nights where my head would hit the pillow and I would be out like a light.
Not so. I was having a restless, nervous (not panicky), fidgety evening. It was made slightly worse by the fact that Eden had a friend over. Not that they were overly rowdy, just that it isn't the usual atmosphere and it makes it a higher tension situation for me. I was irritable, I was wandering, I tried sitting but my legs just bounced up and down so I got up to wander some more. Then I realized that I had been feeling so good lately I had sort of forgotten to take my pill.
It seems really sad to me that I am so far gone into this anxiety anymore that I can't be "normal" without medication! And, they want me off medication by summer, which scares me.
So, after I took Eden's friend home, I went upstairs to try and relax in the bath. Other than getting intruded on by my kids and my husband upwards of 5 times, it was pretty relaxing. Afterward I had planned on going straight to bed but when I looked at the clock and it said 9:00 and I was still wired, I decided to get on my laptop a little bit. This was probably mistake number one. No screen time an hour before bed. I know better. I had trouble falling asleep and woke up several times. I just couldn't settle down. Finally at around 4:00 I came downstairs and took 2 pills. Went back upstairs, counted back from 100, massaged my hands and was able to calm down after about 25 minutes.
Then, of course, the best sleep I get is the hour before the alarm goes off. Oh, I didn't want to get up. Then my mom called to say that since it was my "off" day at the gym she just wanted to stay home. Needless to say, I'm not going to Bodypump this morning. I was pretty excited about it too. I could still go, there's plenty of time to get there, but I think since I have been so go-go-go-go for many days it couldn't hurt me to spend a relaxing day at home, editing photos and finishing laundry. Maybe even a movie....or a nap? That sounds delicious!
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